I know that when I first met Jimmy, I loved him totally, but as time went on, I saw he was no where near the perfect man I wanted.
I now know that it was wrong thinking I could expect perfection out of him, he was a normal man. He tried so hard to make our marriage work, but no matter how hard we worked on it, it didn’t. I wanted everything to be a certain way and when it didn’t happen, I took it out on him. I never made him feel like he was good enough for me, and I’m ashamed about that.
When we first met, he couldn’t get enough of me and he was quite the kisser and lover. All I had to do was see his gorgeous naked body and I was ready for him. His body was just right and he looked perfect, but his actions began to show signs of normalcy. I didn’t want normal, I wanted perfect and exciting. I know you can’t have perfect and exciting all the time, I wish I knew that when we first met.
He is so handsome and I still love to look at him no matter what. I know he belongs to someone else now, but I can still look. It’s nice to see that even as he gets older, he’s still keeping in perfect shape.
Jimmy called me about six months ago and asked if he could see me in San Francisco. Of course I told him to come, and silly me thought he was trying to get back with me. And I considered it. Like I said, all I have to do is look at him and I’m ready.
When he got to his hotel, he was nervous. I knew then it wasn’t about us, I figured he must be getting married and wanted to tell me ahead of time. Boy, was I wrong.
He informed me that he and his partner and roommate had become lovers and he didn’t want me finding out from someone else. I asked him if he had always liked men and he told me that he hadn’t been with a man since college. I then asked him if he was happy and he smiled and told me that Blair made his life whole, something that I had never been able to do. I told him how much I appreciated him telling me ahead of time and that I was happy for him. He hugged me and kissed me and smiled again. He never smiled like that with me. Blair Sandburg must be doing something right to make my ex-husband so pleased and content.
I asked him if everyone from Major Crime knew about them and he informed me that Blair wouldn’t tell anyone until Jimmy had told me the news first. I was never that wild about Sandburg, but I think I need to rethink my feelings about him. He’s very thoughtful and I plan on standing behind the two of them from this day on.
As he talked about Blair Sandburg his face lit up and he smiled non-stop. This was definitely a man in love. I was a little jealous of Sandburg for being the right person to make Jimmy joyful and complete. Why hadn’t I ever been able to do that for and with Jimmy?
I loved watching him as he talked, he is so handsome and I’m falling in love all over again. He’s a good man and I understand why Sandburg fell for him. I would take him back in an instant. But I know that I never could have made him feel this good.
As dinner ended and the talking was winding down, I asked him if I could send a gift for the loft for the new couple. Jimmy beamed with joy when I asked and I realized it made very little to make this man happy. Again, I feel terrible that I didn’t try hard enough when we were a couple. Maybe he needed a strong man. Sandburg seems like a strong man, even though he’s short.
As I left the hotel we said our goodbye’s and I knew that Jim would never belong to me again. My mind and heart were filled with regret. There is nothing for me to do but to be happy for my ex-husband. So that’s what I’ll do. I still love him, but know that he doesn’t love me anymore. He has someone new in his life. Someone better for him. I hope they’ll be happy for a long, long time.
Now it’s finally time for me to move on. Cliff has asked me to marry him, but I couldn’t get Jimmy out of my mind. I think I can move to the next level now and feel good about it. In fact, I called Jimmy the next morning and told him about Cliff.
We both deserve to be happy and we both learned from our marriage so it wasn’t a complete loss.
The regret will always be in my heart, but hopefully, the pain will ease with time.
Yes, Jimmy is a good man. And he and Sandburg are good men. I wish them a world of luck because it’s going to be hard. If anyone can do it, it’ll be them.