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A Nun grading a test at school. LOL

I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but I thought it was fun. I went through 12 years of Catholic School, so I might be warped. :)



IMAGINE THE NUN SITTING AT HER DESK GRADING THESE PAPERS. IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST. THE FOLLOWING 25 STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN.

THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.

1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.

6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAK, WHICH IS BREAD IWTHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.

15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.

20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.

22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.

24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY, WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
bluewolf458
Oct. 4th, 2014 05:01 am (UTC)
Proof positive that children don't always understand words/phrases that adults take for granted.
pattrose
Oct. 4th, 2014 05:35 am (UTC)
Sheila I think I was seven before I found out that God was a Supreme Being, not a string bean. LOL LMBO
bluewolf458
Oct. 4th, 2014 05:48 am (UTC)
I think the most way out misunderstanding of a phrase that I ever came across (as a teacher) was in an essay an 11-year-old wrote. I don't remember the exact wording now, but the essay involved trees growing in gardens.

'The woodcutters came and chopped down the trees beside the road. When one of the people whose trees had been cut down came home and saw what they'd done, she burst into tears, so the woodcutters chopped her trees up again.'
pattrose
Oct. 4th, 2014 05:53 am (UTC)
Wording is sometimes so crazy, isn't it? Your posts are always so interesting.
sammason
Oct. 4th, 2014 05:32 am (UTC)
Hello, I saw your comment on dimity_blue's LJ and came here to see your LJ. This post about kids' religious education had me laughing so hard that I hyperventilated! Think I'll repost it on my own LJ.
pattrose
Oct. 4th, 2014 05:34 am (UTC)
By all means, do. They were funny. :) I was laughing the entire time I was reading. It's good to laugh. :) I hope others enjoy this list on your LJ also.
snailbones
Oct. 4th, 2014 06:31 am (UTC)
Awww! Kids are so cute. Thank you for starting my day with a grin.
pattrose
Oct. 4th, 2014 06:39 am (UTC)
Did you see my comment about the string bean? My mom still tells that story to this day. LOL
grey853
Oct. 4th, 2014 12:11 pm (UTC)
Whenever adults think kids comprehend the things we say, they just have to see something like this and realize that kids don't hear what we say half the time and the other half they have no clue what it all means.

dimity_blue
Oct. 6th, 2014 07:13 pm (UTC)
24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY, WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

I don't which I love best about this. St. Paul 'cavorting' or 'holy acrimony'. I don't think anyone would deny holy acrimony is a good name for marriage!
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )

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