pattrose (pattrose) wrote,

For Debbie--Surprise

By Patt

Sentinel Thursday Challenge: #146: Seemed like a good idea.
Summary: Jim receives something in the mail and it’s up to Blair to figure out what he got.
Word count: 2418
Genre: Hopeful-Slash
Warnings: language and talk of sex products.
Notes: For Debbie Stone. She’s having a bit of a hard time these days and I thought this might cheer her up. Be well, Debbie.

It was a very quiet Saturday afternoon. Blair was bored and when he got bored, he usually got horny. He didn’t want to scare Jim off, so he had to find something to do. At that moment there was a knock at the door and Blair answered it. The mailman stood there with a large brown wrapped package.

“Jim Ellison?” he asked.

“He’s in the shower, I can sign for it,” Blair volunteered. He was dying to see what Jim got. He couldn’t help but be curious. Jim never got anything in the mail, usually.

“Sure, sign here,” the man answered and handed the clip board to Blair.

Blair signed and handed it back, taking the package out of the man’s hands. “Thanks,” Blair said as he almost pushed the delivery guy out of the doorway and slammed the door shut.

He looked at the brown package and wondered what it was and then saw it was from someplace called Passion Party.

Passion Party? What in the hell is that? I’ve never heard of this place and have to check it out now.”

Blair set the box on the kitchen table where Jim couldn’t miss it as he walked by to go upstairs. As if on cue, Jim opened the door, exited and looked at the box and said, “A package this early in the morning?”

“Yeah and it’s not mine,” Blair said quickly before Jim passed it by.

“It’s mine?” Jim looked at the return address and turned a deep scarlet red. Blair had never in his entire life seen Jim so embarrassed.

“What’s up, man? It couldn’t be that bad,” Blair assured him.

“Just something I ordered online, it’s private.” Jim grabbed the box, still beet red and walked up the stairs to his room.

Blair was determined to go to the Passion Party website and see what Jim would have been so embarrassed over. Blair went into his room and sat down on his futon and turned on his lap top. He didn’t have his first class until 10:00 that morning, so he had time to start looking for this so called Passion Party. Then he shut down the lap top when he realized Jim would know exactly what he was up to. He would have to wait until Jim left for work.

“Chief…” Jim called out from the living room.

Blair came out smiling and answered, “Yes?”

“It’s your turn for dinner tonight, so don’t forget. I’ve cooked the last three nights and I’m sick of it. What are you making?” Jim asked.

“I think I’m going to make Stir Fry. I have all of the ingredients, so that’s probably what we’re going to have. Sound okay to you?” Blair questioned.

“Sounds great to me. I love your stir fry. I’ll see you around 7:00,” Jim said as he walked out the door.

“Have a good day, Jim.”

“Back at ya, Chief.”

Blair watched him get on the elevator and smiled the entire time. He didn’t want Jim to know he was going to be snooping behind his back as soon as he was out of the loft.


Jim got into the truck and sighed. Packages never came that early in the morning. Why did Blair have to sign for it? Why couldn’t it have been himself that answered the door? God, now Blair would be snooping around the loft trying to see what was bought. Jim started the truck, growled once and backed up out of the parking lot. He sometimes hated his life.


Blair wanted to go upstairs and see what was in the box, but knew that would embarrass Jim all the more, so instead he went in, sat on his futon, turned the computer on again and waited to find what he was looking for. He went to Google and typed in Passion Party and sure enough, a site came up. Blair went right there and clicked on the link that said, ‘For Men’. Blair’s jaw dropped when he saw what was on the page. Portable pussies? I mean, basically that’s what Blair was seeing. Jim was a great looking man, why would he need something like this? Then Blair read about the one called Fifi.

Wham Bam, thank you, Ma’am, features soft, flesh like material and has a sturdy design. 6 and 1/2” in length and 3 and ½ “ in diameter.

Blair started to sweat. Suddenly the idea of sticking his dick in this didn’t seem that odd. There were times, he didn’t have time for dates and this would beat his hand, hands down. Blair smiled at his sexual humor going through his brain. Blair decided he was going to order one and have it sent to the office at the University. He wouldn’t want Jim to see it and embarrass him again. Blair got his credit card out and ordered one, never mind how expensive it was. Portable pussy was worth it. He was hard as a rock while he ordered it, knowing that soon, he would have his very own. Actually, he sort of liked the idea of lying low dating wise, because he was trying to get the nerve up to ask Jim out. Blair knew that Jim swung both ways, so that wasn’t a problem. But Blair saw him once with a guy at a bar and he was built just like Jim. Blair was intimidated and knew he would have to muster up the courage to do the deed.

Blair closed down the lap top, and knew he was going to have to haul ass to get to class on time. He didn’t even notice the time while he was eyeballing those portable pussies. He grabbed his backpack and flew out of the door.


That night when Jim got home, he figured out that Blair was going to either tease him or question him about the package. Jim wasn’t in the mood at all. But then he stood in the hallway and smelled dinner and his mood changed immediately. God, Jim loved Blair’s cooking.

With a lighter step, Jim walked in and said, “It smells wonderful in the hallway, but it really smells good in here.”

“Thanks. I was hoping it would make your day. Connor called me and said you had a pretty messy case. So I wanted things to be nice.”

Jim just looked at him oddly. Why was Blair being so fucking nice?

“Yeah, I did have a hard day, although, I wish Connor wouldn’t call and tell you things from work. It’s not her business and I wouldn’t want you worrying on days when you can’t come in.”

“Jim, she was just calling for something else. And I asked how your day was going. She didn’t bring it up until I threatened her with torture if she didn’t tell me. She said she had just gotten her nails, done, she didn’t want them pulled out.”

“What in the hell does that have to do with what we’re talking about?” Jim asked, looking so cute while confused.

“You know, torture, like pulling someone’s finger nails out?” Blair said laughing.

“You two, are sick puppies, I hope you know that,” Jim said as he hung up his gun and washed his hands for dinner. He could smell that things were done, and he was ready to eat.

“Sit down, I’ll bring dinner over. Table’s already set,” Blair said getting Jim a beer.

Jim opened it and drank half of it in one swig. “God, that tastes so good, Chief. I really like this beer that you made for me. You’re the best.”

“Good, I’m glad. Miller Lite is fine sometimes, but I like to save these for special occasions,” Blair said sweetly.

“What’s the occasion?” Jim asked, having no clue that he was opening the door to a horrible discussion.

Blair dished their food up and sat down to eat. Jim started in right away, making all of the yummy noises that he usually did while eating Blair’s cooking.

“About this morning. I’m sorry that I signed for the package, but it’s really not embarrassing. I saw the return address and I checked it out online.”

Jim swallowed and began choking on his food, or was that his tongue? Blair jumped up and patted his back until the choking stopped and said, “Jim, it’s not that big of a deal. I ordered something from them today.”

“Really?” Jim asked looking a little less horrified.

“I went to the ‘For Him’ page and ordered me a handy, dandy, portable pussy,” Blair said oh so happily.

Jim had just taken another bite and begun to swallow it and started choking again. This time he had to stand up and push himself over the back of the chair. Yes, he was being overly dramatic, but he felt he needed this.

“Geeze, Jim. You act like you’ve never ever heard the words before. That site is wonderful. Which one did you get?” Blair asked.

“I got massage lotion, cream, lube and condoms. I would never order one of those things for me, just personal preference.”

“Why? What’s wrong with Fifi?” Blair inquired.

Jim burst out laughing and said, “I don’t want to get into it. You do your thing and I’ll just shut up about it.”

“No, seriously, you have my attention now, what’s wrong with Fifi?”

“First of all, I wouldn’t buy anything named Fifi. Next, I would never stick my dick in something over and over again that’s plastic and hard to clean. Let me just give you one word to focus on, GERMS.”

“Hey, I’m clean,” Blair said sounding upset.

“I know you’re clean, but is the sheath going to be clean when you don’t get all of your spunk out of it? Germs, germs, germs. Now let me get back to eating my dinner.”

“Gross. I can’t believe I ordered that damn thing. I was thinking you got one too and it went to my head. Yes, both heads. It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“Just call and cancel your order,” Jim suggested.

“I’m going to as soon as I’m done eating. I spent like sixty five bucks, total.”

“Blair, why would you think you needed that anyhow?” Jim asked.

“I’ve been thinking about asking this guy out and I wanted something to tide me over until I got up the nerve,” Blair explained.

“And your hand didn’t seem good enough?” Jim wondered aloud.

“It was the descriptions of the products. They rope you in and make you see nothing but an orgasm. I’m hard just talking about it.”

Jim laughed again. “So, ask the guy out and be done with it. Surely it can’t be that big of a deal.”

“I don’t know if I’m his type,” Blair said softly.

“Everyone likes you Blair. Even the married women in records want to sleep with you, so I don’t think you’ll have a problem.”

“Some married women in records want to sleep with me? Who?” Blair was side tracked once again.

“Focus, grasshopper,” Jim teased.

“Well, he’s super gorgeous and I’m a little intimidated about his body and so on. I just don’t know if it would work,” Blair said sadly.

“Just ask me out and stop with all of the compliments. “

“You knew it was you?”

“Blair, I smell your pheromones big time lately, no matter what time of the day or night. And you’ve been dating less and less. I didn’t want to push you, so I decided to let you come to me when you were ready.”

“You shit, you knew all along? What a crappy Guide I am. I didn’t realize that I was that obvious when I was around you and I sure as hell didn’t realize I was giving off pheromones every day. Is this why you haven’t been dating?”

“Yes, that’s why I haven’t been dating. I’ve been saving myself for you. That’s why I ordered the massage supplies, condoms and heated lube. It sounded fun to me. You give off pheromones all the time, but not to other people, so I knew it was me. You’re giving them off right now,” Jim said.

“So are we going to start dating?” Blair asked.

“Well, that’s usually how it’s done. Would you like to have dinner with me tomorrow night at Saccony’s? I know you love Italian and so do I,” Jim asked nicely.

“I would love to have dinner with you tomorrow night, followed by making out on the sofa and groping?”

“Chief, that sounds like a perfect evening to me.”

“Jim, I have a really important question to ask.”

“So ask.”

“What in the fuck am I going to do with this portable pussy now? I had dreams of me using it on you and me. They were big dreams. In those dreams, we didn’t even fit all the way inside of the pussy because we were just that big,” Blair said laughing his butt off.

“I can tell you right now, I would easily fit inside the portable pussy, Blair. I’m not that big. You’ve seen me naked before, but I’ve never seen you. Maybe you wouldn’t fit.”

“Oh Jim, it was a pipe dream. I would easily fit inside of it too. What are we going to do with it?”

“We could use it once. But sixty five bucks is a lot of money for once. But it might be worth it, to see each other doing it. What do you think? I could go halves on it with you, and then we could dispose of it,” Jim suggested.

“No, I’m going to cancel it now. I’m the only pussy you need from now on,” Blair said.

Jim burst out laughing and said, “You’re making this very difficult for me. I want you right now.”

“You have to wait-only one night, Jim. And then I’ll be all yours.”

“Sounds good to me. Cancel your order, then get in here and help me with the dishes. Then maybe a little groping and kissing tonight on the sofa too.”

Blair almost ran into his room and realized this would now be the study. Oh yeah, he could live with having a boyfriend and a study. Life was good at the Sandburg-Ellison household.

There would be no pussies here.

The end
Tags: fiction
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