Better Than Sex
Jim was sitting at the kitchen table writing a list when Blair came walking in the door. When Blair asked him what he was doing, he said, nothing important. Blair vowed to look at this nothing later. Jim was doing a survey on 20 reasons why chocolate is better than sex. And he decided to add up his reasons and put them on the paper. Maybe he would get a little more nerve then.
20 Reasons Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex!
1. You can GET chocolate. I could get Sandburg if I ever got enough nerve.
2. "If you love me you'll swallow" has real meaning with chocolate. Again, this would work well, I could just ask Sandburg.
3. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft. Wouldn't know, but would like to.
4. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving. Shit, I would let Blair drive.
5. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to. Somehow I see Blair having a lot of stamina.
6. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother. Okay, this one I would not even want to try.
7. If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind. You know, Blair doesn't complain a whole lot, he probably goes for the pain thing.
8. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names. Now this is something I do worry about.
9. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate. Blair and commitment in the same sentence? NOT
10. You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers. Now this might be interesting.
11. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped. I don't want a stranger, I want to ask Blair.
12. You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate. But it would be worth it. Well, I think so anyhow.
13. With chocolate there's no need to fake it. Man, this must be a woman joke.
14. Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant. Well, shit, another woman joke.
15. You can have chocolate at any time of the month.. I am seeing a pattern forming here.
16. Good chocolate is easy to find. I would like to be able to find an Easy Sandburg.
17. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle. I don't want any other kinds. I only want his chocolate.
18. You are never too young or too old for chocolate. I don't feel like I am too old for his chocolate.
19. When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake. I would love to keep the neighbors awake.
20. With chocolate size doesn't matter. I am not a size queen.
In the middle of the night, Blair found the paper that Jim had been working on in the trash. And he smiled as he read the answers to each of the 20 reasons. He was smiling more and more as he read on. He left a note for Jim telling him to read the new revised list. One that might work for him.
1. Get the nerve up, Jim. Ask me. You can have my chocolate any time you want.
2. I think I might like the idea of swallowing your chocolate and having you swallow mine. We should try it.
3. Even when I am soft, you can find me satisfying, Jim.
4. I would gladly drive for you while you safely test my chocolate.
5. You are right, I do have good stamina. I can last for long periods of time. Try me, you might like me. Better yet, you might love me.
6. Agreed on this one, we don't want to do it in front of my mom.
7. Well, you can bite my nuts, but don't leave marks, that is all I ask.
8. Don't worry about being called names, Jim. We can handle it.
9. What are you talking about, commitment and Blair being in the same sentence? You and commitment don't blend well either.
10. Okay, now I would not let you check out my chocolate in the bullpen.
11. Don’t ask a stranger for chocolate, ask me. I want you to ask me.
12. Hairs are not the worst thing in the world in your new chocolate.
13. You would know if I was faking it.
14. No need to worry about pregnancy.
15. I will give you chocolate any time of the month.
16. Look and you shall find. Easy Sandburg, right over here.
17. I don't want you to try any other kinds of chocolate either. Nope, I am the only flavor you can have.
18. Believe me Jim; you are not too old for my chocolate.
19. I will gladly help you keep the neighbors awake sampling my chocolate.
20. Jim, I have seen your chocolate, and I am impressed. I don't think you will be sorry about testing mine either. Besides, it’s not the size that counts; it is what you do with that damn chocolate.
Wake me up big guy, if you are interested in sampling my chocolate. And if not, at least make me breakfast. All this talk about Chocolate has gone and made me damn hungry.