pattrose (pattrose) wrote,

Sullivan's Pub 101

Sullivan's Pub Part 101
Funny Quotes

Megan Connor knew that tonight’s Survey was going to be a fun one if it killed all of them. She smiled as they all filed into the room, especially when she saw her husband. He always managed to bring a quick smile to the lovely woman’s face every time she thought of him or saw him. Joel was not only a fantastic lover and husband, but was the best of friend to be had by all.

“Hey, Connor. What’s up for tonight?” Jim asked.

“Hey, Jim. Tonight it’s funny quotes. Whether you agree with them or disagree with them, or if you think any of them remind you of any of our gang.” Connor explained.

As Joel sat down, he said, “So are we going to start? I’m ready for fun.”

“Sit, sit, sit…” Connor ordered and smiled as they all sat down around the large table.

Connor: Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more.

Blair: I think this works for always forgive your mates. Nothing annoys Jim more. (Laughing.)

Jim: Very funny, but also very true.

Rafe: I agree with them.

Brown: When you’re nice to me you’re just trying to annoy me?

Rafe: No, when I forgive you for something, I’m trying to annoy you.

Brown: Well, now I have to think on that.

Joel: I think we’re putting too much thought into it. I think this saying is very true for all of us.

Simon: I agree with Joel.

Sully: I think you might be right, Joel.

Dan: He is right.

Sam: Megan, is he hard to live with being so smart? (Smiling at Joel.)

Connor: Nope, he’s never hard to live with. Except when I want him to be hard. (Laughs.)

Simon: We’re only on the first one and sex has already been brought up. Could we move it to the next one quickly?

Connor: If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Blair: This is ‘way’ true. Have you seen how much those damn Barbie friends cost? And of course Rayne and Jade think they need all of them.

Jim: We try not to buy all of them, but if we don’t they use their allowance to buy them. It’s a vicious circle.

Sam: I love buying the dolls. They’re so cool.

Dan: I’ve never had to buy one, so I’m lucky. Sam does all the doll buying.

Sam: I think it’s time for you to go with me next time. In fact, let’s go tomorrow and get some new clothes and dolls.

Dan: Drat, foiled again.

Joel: (Laughing.) Good one, Dan. I buy all of the toys with Megan. We like picking out cute things for the girls.

Rafe: Well, Henri picks out all of Lancey’s toys, so I’m still safe.

Brown: You don’t know what you’re missing. It’s great fun.

Simon: I wouldn’t be caught dead buying Barbie toys.

Sully: He doesn’t. But I love buying them and they like me better because of it.

Simon: Do you tell them they’re only from you? (Looking horrified.)

Sully: You’re so easy. God, I love you. (Laughing.)

Simon: You’ll pay for it later, babe. Could we move on now, Connor?

Connor: When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Jim: This should be my saying and my saying alone.

Blair: But, Jim, it happens to all of us.

Jim: Connor, will you write this one down. I like it.

Connor: I just did. You want it on a shirt or a plaque?

Jim: Shirt. Thanks.

Sam: I want to get a shirt tonight, just not with this saying.

Dan: Then wait until you find the perfect saying and you can put in an order to Megan then.

Simon: We’re supposed to be discussing the quote, not the tee-shirts.

Sully: Simon honey, we discuss anything we want to.

Rafe: Boy, is that ever true.

Brown: I like this saying and I’d like it on a plaque. Thanks, Connor. I’ll pay you when it comes in.

Simon: Do you think it’s time to move on?

Connor: I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Jim: That’s gross. I don’t want a tee of this saying.

Blair: But I do. This one is great, Connor. I’ll take one of these in neon green.

Simon: Do you want to stick out like a sore thumb on purpose, Sandburg?

Blair: I love being the sore thumb. So there.

Jim: I guess he told you, eh, Simon?

Brown: I’ll take this one in a Tee, only I want neon yellow.

Rafe: You and Sandburg are freaks.

Blair: You’re just jealous.

Joel: I like this one, but not enough to wear it. But I wouldn’t mind saying it now and then.

Dan: I’m still waiting for the perfect one for me.

Sam: I am too.

Sully: I like this one a lot. Maybe a small plaque for my office here.

Simon: Okay, time to move on.

Connor: I couldn't repair my brakes, so I made my horn louder.

Sam: Okay, I want this one in a tee. It’s perfect for me. I lay on my horn all the time.

Dan: She does. She has no patience. This is funny, Connor.

Brown: I love this one, too. I’ll take this in a shirt. Do you need my size, Connor?

Connor: I know you wear an XXL. I’ve got it, big boy.

Rafe: Don’t be calling my man a big boy. Only I get to call him that.

Jim: I like this saying. I’d like a shirt, in grey. XL, if you don’t mind.

Blair: Good for you, Jim. You’re starting to loosen up with the group.

Jim: If I were any looser, I would be in slut heaven.

Simon: I knew this would end up being about sex. Leave it to Ellison to bring it around.

Sully: I would like a tee, in light green. Everyone says I look good in green.

Sam: It’s cuz we have red hair. And besides you look good in everything and Simon is a butthead for not saying it before me.

Simon: I do like her in everything, but prefer her in nothing. So there.

Everyone: Whoo hoo. Simon is loose now. (Laughing.)

Simon: Could we go on?

Connor: If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Jim: Another great one for a shirt. Light blue, if you don’t mind.

Blair: I’ll take mine in light green.

Jim: We can’t wear the same shirts. That’s just dorky.

Blair: Well, Mr. Dork, I’m wearing mine on a different day.

Simon: I’ll take a shirt in gray.

Sully: Honey, get it in coral. You look gorgeous in coral.

Simon: Fine, Connor. Make it a coral one.

Joel: I want mine in jade. I love this saying. I think we should all wear them the same day. Like to the pub or something.

Rafe: Good idea. I’ll take mine in peach. And I think we should wear them next week.

Brown: I’ll take neon orange. I’ll be wearing mine next time.

Dan: I would like mine in royal blue. We all seem to be getting one, so let’s wear them next week.

Sam: You’re all insane. Make mine pink.

Sully: Okay, I want one in olive. I love olive green.

Simon: Now that we’re done putting orders in, let’s move on.

Connor: When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Sam: This is a riot. I say we all have this one made in the same color. What does everyone think?

Sully: I love the idea. This one is funny.

Jim: It doesn’t work for all of us, though. I’m always in my right mind.

Blair: Then you’re left mind would get pretty crowded. So deal with it.

Simon: (laughing.) I think this would be good in white.

Joel: I agree.

Dan: Does anyone else think the shirt wouldn’t fit their personality?

Rafe: I agree with Ellison, but I’m not going to make a big thing about it.

Brown: That’s because your left side of the brain is too busy to make a big thing out of it. (Laughs.)

Dan: Make it a white one for me. Let’s do the letters in something big, bold and easy to see from a block away. (Laughing.)

Simon: Could we move on?

Connor: Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

Jim: Not trying to be mean, but this screamed Blair to me.

Blair: It’s okay, babe. It did to me too.

Brown: I think it screams Blair and Dan.

Dan: Hey, how did I get drug into this? (Laughs.)

Rafe: No one asks to be brought into any of this, this drag us all kicking and screaming.

Sam: I think it reminds me of all of us. We’re all a little bit off.

Simon: Says you. And you’re off, woman.

Sully: Don’t pick on my sister, big boy.

Simon: I love when you call me big boy.

Sully: Do we need to make a trip to my office?

Joel: Yeah, go ahead. We’ll just wait here and talk about the two of you.

Simon: (Blushing.) No, it can wait. Connor, can we move?

Connor: Join The Army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

Blair: I hear this one screaming Jim.

Jim: It’s true. How sick is that?

Joel: Well, it doesn’t always happen this way, does it?

Jim: No, not always.

Dan: I refuse to believe this as truth.

Sam: Dan thinks the Army and so on are good for a person.

Simon: Well, it can’t hurt. Builds character and all of that. Right, Jim?

Jim: Don’t ask me. I was a Ranger, and I really did meet them and have to kill them. I didn’t like doing it.

Sam: Well, that’s good.

Sully: Jim, if Drake said he wanted to join the service, would you object?

Jim: I might. But we could talk about it. He wants to be a cop right now. We need to think about that too.

Dan: You don’t want him to follow in your footsteps?

Jim: I don’t want anything to happen to him. I’d rather see him be a vet or something.

Blair: I think Drake would make a terrific cop, so I would say good things to him.

Rafe: And it wouldn’t scare you that he would go though the same shit we all go through?

Blair: Yeah, but no matter what he does or where he goes, we’re going to be scared. So I want him to be happy.

Joel: You’re a good man, Blair.

Blair: Thanks, Joel.

Brown: Well, I agree 100% with Sandburg. I wouldn’t be thrilled, but I want the kids to be happy. Lancey wants to be a cop and Rafe is having a cow about it.

Jim: The more we object, the more appealing it looks to them. So just sit back and hope they won’t.

Simon: Is it time to move on?

Connor: Death is hereditary.

Blair: DUH!!!!

Simon: I think we could move right past this one, Connor.

Connor: There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

Sully: This screams Simon.

Simon: It does not.

Everyone laughs loud and hard.

Jim: I think we’re all a little like this.

Blair: I know Jim and Simon are.

Brown: I know Jim and Simon are, too.

Rafe: It yelled their names to me, also.

Sully: Simon, you are a little like this, but so is Jim.

Sam: I think it screamed Blair.

Blair: Me? I don’t ever think I’m right.

Everyone laughs.

Dan: I think its Blair too.

Simon: Not so funny when it’s you in the hot spot, is it?

Joel: I think we’re all a little bit like this. So I agree with Jim.

Simon: Good. We can move on now.

Connor: A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Dan: We need this made into a shirt for Blair. It’s perfect.

Simon: I think we all agree with that. Make it slate blue and he’ll have himself a perfect shirt.

Connor: When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Joel: I agree with this one. I want a shirt. Any color.

Jim: I agree with this one, too. I’d like a shirt also.

Simon: Let’s all agree and get shirts for another night of Sullivan’s Pub. What do you say?

Everyone: Here, here.

Simon: Oh would you look at the time.

Connor: Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Jim: Geeze, this is really negative.

Blair: You mean, like you?

Jim: Fuck you, Sandburg.

Blair: Not if you call me Sandburg.

Everyone laughs but Jim.

Connor: Who else thinks Jim is negative?

Sully: I think he can be, but he got that from hanging with Simon.

Simon: What in the hell are you talking about? I didn’t make him negative.

Joel: I think both Simon and Jim can be negative sometimes.

Simon and Jim: Fuck you, Joel. (Then they laugh.)

Sam: I think we’re all a little negative from time to time.

Dan: I agree with my honey.

Rafe: I think Simon and Jim are the only gloomy gusses in this group.

Brown: I don’t know how to tell you this, but you are too.

Everyone laughs again.

Simon: Could we move on? Or would I be too negative? (Smiles.)

Connor: Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

Sam: This is for all of us. I think we need shirts.

Simon: We’ll all agree with Sam and move to the next one.

Connor: I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

Blair: This is me.

Jim: This is all of us.

Simon: Good. We’ll take a shirt of this one and move on. This is going well, Connor.

Connor: Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Simon: This goes without saying.

Sully: It sure does.

Jim: I liked this survey, Connor. It was fun. Can we go home now? Sorry, that was the negative me. (Laughing.)

Blair: I liked it too and I don’t want to die either.

Jim: I don’t want you to ever die, baby.

Blair: You are ‘so’ going to get lucky tonight.

Rafe: I don’t want Henri to die either. We came close and that scared me enough.

Brown: Then you’ll have to go first. (Laughs.)

Sully: I don’t want Simon to die either.

Simon: Sully, we all have to die. I’m older than you so chances are I’ll die before you.

Sully: I know, but I don’t want you to.

Joel: Well, Meggie knows I can’t live without her, so she can’t go first.

Dan: You all are so darn cute and sweet. Sam, I’m making a new rule. You can’t go before me. I’ve almost been there and didn’t like it a bit.

Sam: I promise you, honey.

Simon: Are we done yet?

Connor: We’re done, folks. See you next week.

Jim: Connor, we’ll see you in the morning.

Connor: Not for Sullivan’s Pub you won’t. (Snickering.)

Everyone called out goodbyes and walked out to the parking lot. Another good night at Sullivan’s pub. Great friends are indeed the answer to anyone’s prayers. Thankfully, this bunch got a lot of prayers answered.

End: Sullivan’s Pub Part 101
Funny Quotes
Tags: jokes

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