pattrose (pattrose) wrote,

More Sullivan's Pub

Sullivan’s Pub Part 99
Bumper Stickers For Everyone!

When everyone arrived at Sullivan’s, Connor was ready to go. “Come on, you slackers. Get your butts in gear.” Connor shouted while laughing.

“I take it, this is going to be a good one.” Simon hoped.

“They’re all good ones, Connor.” Jim said sweetly.

“Why thank you, Mr. Ellison. This is a good one. Short but fun. I have to get home early tonight, so it’s not going to take all night long like some of them do.” Connor explained.

Simon suggested, “Why not start then?”

Connor: Bumper stickers for everyone to love or hate. Tell me which it will be.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Jim: This is stupid. That’s not what live by the sword actually means, is it?

Blair: Connor, this one is dumb.

Joel: Don’t tell her it’s dumb. Just pass on it if you haven’t got anything to add.

Simon: I don’t think it’s dumb, just don’t quite understand it.

Sully: I think that men with swords live by different rules. They’re real men, not like men with guns.

Jim: very funny, Sully.

Rafe: Hey, I like living by my gun rules.

Brown: He does. It would take too long to understand how the other half would be living.

Rafe: Fuck you, Henri.

Blair: Ding, ding, ding. The prize goes to our very own Rafe for saying fuck you to his beloved Henri, five minutes into the survey.

Rafe: And fuck you too, Sandburg.

Dan: Well, I do live by the sword.

Everyone laughed.

Sam: He does, sort of.

Simon: Connor the next one had better be more fun than this one.

Connor: I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Jim: Boy, I need this one on my SUV. Anyone else?

Blair: Not me. I’m too busy living by the sword.

Jim smacks Blair on the back of his head.

Blair: Ow. Fuck you, Ellison.

Brown: Ding, ding, ding. And Blair Sandburg takes second prize for telling his beloved James Ellison fuck you, ten minutes into the survey.

Blair: And Fuck you, Brown.

Joel: Well, I think I need that bumper sticker. It’s me, totally.

Dan: I have a sign up that says this in my office. Seriously, I do.

Sam: He does. Check it out the next time you go down to see him.

Sully: Well, I think it describes most of us. I know it does me.

Simon: I’m completely in control at all times, so this one doesn’t work for me.

Sully: (Bursts out laughing and falls out of her chair.)

Simon: What? You don’t think I’m in control?

Sully: Simon, you can’t even control our little ones. Get a grip, big boy.

Joel: It’s okay to be out of control sometimes, Simon.

Simon: Not when you’re the boss.

Jim: Well, I like not being in control, then I can blame someone else when things go wrong.

Blair: (Falls off chair laughing.) Good thinking, big man.

Simon: Is it time for the next one yet?

Connor: He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.

Dan: Oh man, I need this for the morgue. Wouldn’t we all just love it? Course, my boss wouldn’t love it, but who cares, right?

Sam: I wrote it down, sugar. I’ll have a sign made up tomorrow.

Dan: Thank you, baby.

Jim: It is funny, and perfect for Dan.

Blair: Couldn’t agree more.

Simon: Does it bother you when we make the death jokes?

Dan: It kills me, Simon. (Falls out of his chair laughing.)

Rafe: Dan, you are a riot. I love how you say it so casually so that no one expects it and bam… We’re all thrown out of our chairs.

Brown: You are funny, man.

Joel: Too bad it doesn’t work for the rest of us, because it’s a funny saying.

Sully: We could take turns borrowing it from his office.

Simon: Don’t even think about it. Time for the next one, Connor.

Connor: She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.

Jim: This is perfect for Blair. (Laughing.)

Blair: Keep laughing, monkey boy, and we’ll see who is laughing later when they get no sex.

Jim: I hate when you do that. You always threaten to withhold sex when you don’t get your way.

Simon: He does do that. And it always works. (Laughing.)

Jim: Fuck you, Simon.

Simon: Not tonight, I have a headache. You’ll have to beg Sandburg.

Joel: I do believe that Meggie and Blair are always late. There is nothing funny about it. They make me nuts.

Connor: Does it really bother you when I’m late?

Joel: Yes. The only thing you’re ever on time for is Sullivan’s Pub Survey’s. Tell me what’s wrong with that?

Blair: Well, I guess we’ll have to work on it, Connor. (Sticking his tongue out at Joel.)

Dan: (Laughing.) Maybe you could teach Sam how to be on time too. She’s never late for court, but everything else she’s late for.

Sam: Does this bother you a lot?

Dan: No, I just thought I would mention it. Tristan’s teacher was pissed the other day when she had to wait 30 minutes for you to show up for the meeting.

Sam: I apologized. The Judge wouldn’t let me leave. I had no choice.

Rafe: To people that are late, there are always excuses, aren’t there?

Brown: Are you talking about me?

Rafe: No, I’m talking about them. They’re the ones late, not you.

Simon: Well, I’m never late and Sully is always late. We sort of cancel each other out.

Sully: I’m not always late. Just sometimes.

Simon: We could probably move on before fights start out. As it is, the late people are running behind. (Throws back his head and howls with laughter.)

Connor: You have the right to remain silent....Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

Jim: This wouldn’t work in our line of work.

Blair: It might.

Jim: It would never work. It would come back and bite us in the ass.

Simon: I’m glad you know this much, Ellison. Too bad Sandburg might have to go to classes on learning how to remain silent himself.

Sully: Simon, that wasn’t nice.

Joel: But it was funny. (Laughing.)

Simon: I think this one’s dumb. Let’s move on to the next one.

Connor: Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Simon: See, this one makes no sense. If you honk, it won’t be peaceful and quiet anymore. Only a moron would honk if they loved peace and quiet.

Jim: Simon, I think some of these are just meant for fun.

Blair: Yeah, like the one that Jim was having fun with a while ago.

Jim: Oh fuck you.

Dan: This one’s looking up, Sam.

Sam: Yes it is. We love when Jim and Blair tell each other to fuck off.

Rafe: I think this one's stupid.

Brown: Like they all aren’t?

Joel: Hey, if you don’t like doing the survey’s don’t come anymore.

Sully: Joel, don’t tell people not to come. He has every right to voice his opinion. Even if his opinion sucks. (Laughing.)

Joel: Yes, you’re right. I’m sorry, Brown.

Simon: God, is it time to move on?

Connor: Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.

Everyone laughs.

Jim: Well this one works for me because I’m always making a fool out of myself.

Blair: He does.

Rafe: I agree.

Blair: Just like Rafe does, eh Henri?

Rafe: Shut up, Sandburg.

Jim: Don’t tell him to shut up. He can talk whenever he wants.

Blair: I love when he pounds his chest and yells like Tarzan. He’s so fucking hot.

Jim: Hey, I was sticking up for you.

Blair: Jim, you don’t need to. I can handle Rafe by myself. Hell, Rayney can handle Rafe by herself.

Sam: Oh that’s a good one. That little Rayne has Brian Rafe wrapped around her little fingers.

Rafe: How did this get to be ‘pick on Rafe night?’

Dan: Henri asked us earlier if it could be and we all agreed. (Laughing.)

Sully: You are all nuts and I love every one of you. I can hardly get my breath. Stop it.

Simon: Let’s move on before we have to give Sully mouth to mouth.

Jim: Wait a minute! That sounds like fun.

Simon: Shut up, Ellison. Move it, Connor.

Connor: A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Jim: Does this sound like Blair to anyone else?

Simon: Sure does. It’s Sandburg Silly.

Sully: It does sound like Blair and I, for one, love that about him.

Sam: Me too.

Dan: But it’s true. It would be night.

Sam: Okay, it sounds like Dan, too.

Rafe: Is it just me, or are these really dumb bumper stickers?

Brown: You know you can leave anytime you want.

Rafe: Fuck you. I don’t have to leave.

Brown: You don’t sound like you really like being here anyhow. Just leave.

Joel: All right, what’s going on with Rafe and Brown? Spill, guys.

Rafe: There is nothing going on. He’s a pain in the ass tonight and it’s not a good one.

Brown looked very sad and didn’t say a word.

Jim: All right, guys. What’s going on?

Rafe: He thinks I was looking at a woman in records today. I wasn’t.

Brown: You were.

Joel: Well, in his defense, I watch women sometimes. None of them, like I watch Meggie, but I still love to look at women.

Simon: He’s gay. Why is he looking at women?

Brown: My question exactly.

Rafe: I wasn’t watching her or anything else. I was being nice to her. She was getting the records I needed. I was just being kind.

Brown: Kind of an asshole, that is.

Sully: Jim and Blair, do you ever do this?

Jim: Do what?

Sully: Watch a woman and get caught by your partner.

Jim: Yeah, I’ve caught Blair on many occasions.

Blair: I was just being nice too. You know they don’t have the right equipment.

Connor: So Jim, if he stared and smiled at a man, would it bother you?

Jim: Yes, it does bother me. He does it all the time. But I’m getting used to just putting up with it.

Blair: You know that no one means a thing to me besides you, big man.

Jim: I know. But it still hurts now and then.

Sam: Well, if Danny started smiling at another woman, I would smack him upside the head.

Dan: She would.

Simon: I think we had all better watch what we do around our mates.

Brown: So if I wasn’t there, it would have been fine?

Sully: No, it wouldn’t have been fine. It hurts to find out that we aren’t enough for our mates. So let’s all try and stop staring and smiling at others to make our mates' jealous. It hurts too much.

Simon: I say we move this. Connor has to leave early.

Connor stood up and said, “That’s all I wrote for tonight. I’ll make it up to you next week. It’ll be funnier and longer. See you next week. Oh, Henri, Rafe loves you so give him a break.”

“I will.” Brown answered.

“Night, everyone.” Connor and Joel said as they walked out the door.

“So Jim, do I really upset you when I flirt?” Blair asked seriously.

“Yeah, it bothers me. I have no self-esteem and you know it.” Jim reminded him.

“I’m sorry. I’ll try and keep myself under control. Night, everyone.” Jim and Blair left next.

“Henri and Rafe, you make up before you leave. Understood?” Sully asked.

“Understood.” Rafe said, but they all noticed that Brown didn’t say a word.

“Night, everyone.” Sully and Simon called out as they walked through the doorway.

Dan stood up and asked, “Do you love him, Rafe?”

“With all my heart and he knows it.”

“You might need to show him some more.” Sam suggested.

“I’ll show him tonight. Night, Sam and Dan.” Rafe said smiling.

The two men were alone and Brown said, “I’m not happy. You had a look on your face that said you miss women. I can’t compete with that, Bri.”

“H, you know I love you. I don’t want a woman. I do like to flirt a little now and then to see if I still have it, but that’s it. I don’t want anyone else. Man or woman.” Rafe hoped he would be forgiven.

“Let’s go home. I’m tired.” Henri said as he stood up.

“You’re mad at me, aren’t you? Are you leaving me?” Rafe looked scared.

“No, I’m not leaving you. I love you too much. But I wish you loved me the same way.”

“I’ll work on it, H. I promise. I love you.” Henri was pulled into Rafe’s arms for a soul shattering kiss. Henri was reminded quickly of why he loved being with Rafe. He was the best fucking kisser he had ever been with.

“I love you, Bri.”

“I love you. Now lets go home and make love all night long.” Rafe pulled him out to the SUV and they were off.

Every night couldn’t be a perfect and fun night at Sullivan’s Pub. But the boys would work on it. There was love there, they just had to build it up a little bit.
Tags: jokes

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