pattrose (pattrose) wrote,

Just a few funnies...

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
We have no lawn, but Jim is great at taking care of the cars. She's right, damn it anyhow.

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything in the house. This isn't true, Jim goes with almost everything in the house, he's old too.

Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman. Or a very surprised Guide.

Why can't women tell jokes? Because we marry them! Now that's just not nice. But it is funny. Jim wouldn't think so, though.

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck? I always think this when Jim has court. I can count on one hand how many times I've worn a tie. One hand, I tell ya.

Men can read maps better than women. Cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equaling a hundred miles. Again, this is mean. It might be true, but it's mean.

I wanted to make it really special on Valentine's day, so I tied Jim up. And for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV. He was not the keeper of the remote. Although it was hard to watch things with his constant whining and complaining. Geeze.
Tags: jokes
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