pattrose (pattrose) wrote,
pattrose
pattrose

Hey Jim 7 Now I'm done. :)



Hey Jim 7
By Patt
15 Pieces Of Advice To be Passed On To Your Daughters Or Sons

Blair: Hey Jim, what cha doing?

Jim: Nothing much, why? I know that look. You're going to bug me with stupid trivia aren't you?

Blair: First of all, trivia is not stupid. Only people that don't know it are stupid.

Jim: Excuse me? Are you saying I'm stupid?

Blair: No, that came out wrong. I'm sorry. I just want you to learn these things so you'll be the talk of the next bullpen meeting.

Jim: Who gives a fuck, Blair?

Blair: I do. I want you to excel.

Jim: You told me last night that I did excel. (Snickering.)

Blair: Sure, in bed, but out of bed, you leave a lot to be desired. You need to have a leg up on the conversation starters. I'll give you some. All right?

Jim: Fine...

Blair: These are things that all parents should teach their children. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers. (Slapping his leg and laughing.)

Jim: Chief, I don't know how to break this to ya, but you're a guy. This means you.

Blair: No, it's only those guys that won't change. I change all the time.

Jim: Yeah, right. Blair, you are more stuck in your ways than I am.

Blair: Bullshit... Man, you're pathetic. You're mad about something that I just said, so you attack me.

Jim: Do you think I'm not capable of changing?

Blair: (Snickering.) Well, maybe when you're older. And in depends.

Jim: You suck, Blair.

Blair: Why yes, I do. How insightful of you to notice this.

Jim: I'm going to take up spousal abuse.

Blair: You're a teddy bear you'll never hurt me.

Jim: No, I won't.

Blair: What do you do if Jim walks out? - You shut the door.

Jim: Very funny, Blair.

Blair: (Trying to catch his breath.) God, that was a good one. You have to admit, it even made you smile.

Jim: It was all right.

Blair: If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put a lot more of them up there.

Jim: (Snickering.) Now that one's funny, Blair. Let me write that down. I'm going to hit the guys up with some of these tomorrow.

Blair: Oh now they're funny enough for the bullpen?

Jim: They always were. It just takes me awhile to warm up to humor. You know that.

Blair: Never let Jim's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone. (Howling.)

Jim: Okay, now that one isn't funny.

Blair: Would it be funny if I'd said Rafe, Brown, Simon's or Joel's name instead?

Jim: I think so.

Blair: Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway. (Falls out of his chair, holding on to his side.)

Jim: You do realize that this is you, right?

Blair: Yes, and I think it's a riot.

Jim: Just making sure.

Blair: Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that we can tell each other apart.

Jim: Now that one is dumb.

Blair: Yeah, I think so too.

Jim: Can I have a kiss before we go any further? (Leans in for a nice long kiss.)

Blair: Man, can you kiss. I wouldn't need any other way to tell you from any other guy. No one else could kiss like that.

Jim: Okay, what do you want?

Blair: I don't want anything. Well, I might want something, but it's not going to cost you anything but expended energy. (Laughing.)

Jim: Cool...

Blair: The definition of a bachelor is a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable. (Howling.)

Jim: This could be about us. Why are you laughing?

Blair: Because it's 'so' us.

Jim: I make you miserable.

Blair: God, Jim you're so easy it's not even funny.

Jim: Fuck you...

Blair: He shoots, he scores. I was wondering how long it would take to get you to say that to me.

Jim: God, I hate you.

Blair: Oh you do not. You'd be lost without me making your life miserable.

Jim: That's probably true.

Blair: Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types. (Howling)

Jim: Oh I suppose this is me?

Blair: Jim if you have to ask, it's a given.

Jim: God, I hate you sometimes.

Blair: Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest he is too old for it. Right old man? (Giggling)

Jim: You live to torment me don't you?

Blair: Yup...

Jim: Couldn't we just have a peaceful day and talk like normal people?

Blair: How the hell do you know what normal is, Jim?

Jim: I hear people talking all the time, Chief. And believe me, they don't talk like we do.

Blair: Fine, if you're bored with me, I can take a hint.

Jim: Jesus, I hate when you do that.

Blair: Do what?

Jim: Just get this over with so I can have a nap. I'm old remember?

Blair: Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.

Jim: Now I'm hoping you don't feel this way.

Blair: No I love you to death, Jim. The only reason my eyes are open when I should be sleeping, is because of the wonderful things you do to my cock first thing in the morning.

Jim: You like that do ya?

Blair: Yah, do I look stupid?

Jim: No, you look beautiful.

Blair: I hate when you say that man, and it reminds me of the next thing on the list. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

Jim: Oh thank you very much...

Blair: (Bowing) You're welcome. I'll be here until Thursday.

Jim: Oh god, visions of Shrek and you jumping around the room saying, "Pick me, pick me."

Blair: God, you have to love that ass.

Jim: Thanks; I'm rather fond of it myself.

Blair: (Laughing hard.) You're getting the hang of it. See you're not bad for an old guy.

Jim: I'll show you old guy after I take my nap. (Snickering.)

Blair: The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions. Jim, this is so you.

Jim: Wait a minute. I'm not the one that got us lost that time

Blair: Oh get over it, Jim. It's time to move on.

Jim: I want to move on up. I love kissing you.

Blair: You're such a dick, Jim. You want to get out of this, so you're going to try and fuck me aren't you?

Jim: Try, my ass, I'm going to do it. (Grabbing Blair.)

Blair: (Laughing.) No, wait until we're done with this. I want to wait.

Jim: Why don't you go and get some ice for my cock then?

Blair: Well if you insist. (Giggling) If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks. Oh man, this is so you.

Jim: It is not!

Blair: Yeah it is. You're always worried about what everything is going to cost.

Jim: I do not!

Blair: Yeah, you do and it's not going to get you in bed any sooner if you keep disagreeing with me.

Jim: Well hell, I could have been agreeing with you a long time ago. Why didn't you tell me that?

Blair: Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes. It means that you laugh at his. (Snort.)

Jim: What? You don't think I'm funny?

Blair: Sometimes...

Jim: You snorted and it wasn't an attractive sound, Blair.

Blair: Oh get over it.

Jim: God, I love when you say that.

Blair: You're not fucking me any sooner, Jim.

Jim: Well fuck...

Blair: Sadly, all men are created equal. So therefore, I was wrong too, and I think you need to fuck me right now.

Jim: Now you're talking my language. Race you upstairs?

Blair: Like you could possibly win. (Running up the stairs and Jim just walked slowly.)

Jim: Yeah, but I just got to watch your ass as you ran up the stairs. Now who is the smarter man?

Blair: You are, now get up here and fuck me.

Jim: I'm coming...

Blair: Not yet, Jim, but soon...

The end.
Tags: jokes
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 2 comments