Hey Jim 4
Jim's tee-shirt sayings:
Blair: Hey Jim, I went shopping today and found some new tee-shirts. Wanna hear them?
Jim: Don't you mean, do I want to see them?
Blair: No, they're better heard than seen.
Jim: Oh shit, you bought me stupid ones again didn't you?
Blair: They aren't even for you; they're mine. I needed something new, something to boost my spirits.
Jim: Blair? What's wrong? (Looking concerned.)
Blair: Geeze, I still got it. (Snickering)
Jim: I hate you sometimes. You're such a dick.
Blair: Well, that's what you liked about me last night.
Jim: And why does everything we talk about end up being about sex? Is there nothing else we have in common?
Blair: Let's see big man, we both like using nicknames. We both like each other's dicks. We both love dick. We both love to suck cocks, or better yet, we both love to suck on each others cocks. How is that for starters?
Jim: This is what I'm talking about Blair. It went right into sex jokes for you. Stop it.
Blair: Fine you big old fud.
Jim: So let me hear your new tee-shirt slogans.
Blair: Fine, but don't interrupt.
Jim: Excuse me; I don't interrupt.
Blair: You're already interrupting. Now shut up and listen.
Jim: Geeze someone needs to take a chill pill. (Laughing)
Blair: (Glaring) A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen and my kitchen is delirious.
Jim: I have to interrupt. This is so not true.
Blair: Jim, I said my kitchen not yours. When I cook the kitchen is messy, right?
Blair: Okay, now go back to shutting up. (Glaring again)
Jim: (Scowling) I hate when you do that.
Blair: Tough, now I'm moving on. No life-mate has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
Jim: (Spitting his drink across the room.)
Blair: Good boy, Jim. Now here is the next one. If we are what we eat, then Jim's easy, fast and cheap.
Jim: (Choking again) So not true, Chief. So not true.
Blair: Jim, you're easy. I don't know how to say it any nicer than that.
Jim: You think that's nice?
Blair: Well, the next shirt says, Jim's my bottom boy slut.
Jim: Please tell me you didn't put that on a shirt. (Looking at Blair like a wild man.)
Blair: God, you're easy. (Snickering really loud this time.) The next one really says, A balanced diet to Jim is a cookie in each hand. A balanced diet to me is Jim's cock in my mouth three times a day.
Jim: Oh Jesus, you really did didn't you? I'm going to fucking kick your ass, Sandburg.
Blair: Oh get a grip, Ellison. I'm teasing about the cock part. The first part is true; see? (Holding up the shirt for Jim to see.)
Jim: Why do you do this to me? Do you take great pleasure in making me have mini heart-attacks?
Blair: Yes, I do. Now let's move on here. (Looking all serious) Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. (Howling)
Jim: I don't get that. Why is that funny?
Blair: Jim, if I need to explain them to you, they're not funny. This one goes to the trash.
Jim: Sounds like more than that one should.
Blair: Oh shove it, hot stuff. Wait till you see this one. It's so you. A clean house is a sign of Jim's misspent life. (Howling again)
Jim: Very funny, Chief. I love how you make fun of me every chance you can.
Blair: I'm no fool. I grab every opportunity that comes my way. Now, here is the next one. Help keep Blair's kitchen clean, eat out.
Jim: Okay, I can live with that one and it's so true. (Snickering.)
Blair: Here's the next one; Housework when done as shown by Jim, can kill you.
Jim: Oh that was so funny I almost forgot to laugh.
Blair: Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen, never knowing that we fuck in it every chance we can.
Jim: Now I know you didn't get that one made. Right? (Worried look on his face)
Blair: Yeah, it's true, Jim. They have no idea that you fuck me on the table. But now they will. It's like so cool.
Jim: Oh God, I wish I were dead. Blair please give that shirt to me, all right?
Blair: You are no fun at all. Okay, the real shirt says Countless numbers of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.
Jim: Thank God.
Blair: Man, you're so easy. I love it. And my last shirt says, Jim's next home will have no kitchen, only vending machines. (Howling)
Jim: I don't get it.
Blair: I really did get that one? It's so you. You love junk food. And you know the only way you'd get it is out of a machine. You're not getting that junk from our kitchen. Have I told you lately that I love you?
Jim: That's not true, Blair, I love all kinds of food. And no, you haven't told me lately. Thank you, I love you back.
Blair: Why don't you come on over here and let me show you how much?
Jim: How come you didn't show me all of the shirts, Blair? What do the rest of them say?
Blair: Oh stupid stuff.
Jim: More stupid than the others?
Blair: Yeah, no biggy though. Nothing I couldn't wear out.
Jim: Why does this statement scare the shit out of me? Tell me what the other shirts say.
Blair: God, you're such a stick in the mud. Don't you ever want to live on the edge? Speaking of that, here is one I got. My partner said I should try living on the edge, little did I know that he would push me off when I tried it.
Jim: That's not funny, Blair. Not funny at all.
Blair: See, I knew you wouldn't like it. This one says, Repression, thy name is Ellison.
Jim: Yeah, right.
Blair: See? (Shows it to him and runs.)
Jim: Give me that shirt. You little shit. I can't believe you put that on a shirt. The guys will laugh at me more than they do now.
Blair: The guys laugh at you, babe?
Blair: Well this one might make you happy then. My lover has the biggest cock I've ever seen.
Jim: God, please tell me you're joking.
Blair: Now I thought you might like that one. Man, I can't pick these shirts out as well as I thought. (Backing away from a very angry Sentinel.) I was kidding Jim. I was kidding. It says, Jim's cock is all mine.
Jim: That I can live with.
Blair: Wait a moment, you can live with that one?
Blair: Good, cuz I got one for you that says Blair's cock is all mine. And I want us to wear them when we're together.
Jim: (Running his hand across his face, wearily) Are we done yet, Blair?
Blair: Yeah, we're done. You mad at me?
Jim: No, not mad, but horny as hell. Let's go upstairs and see whose cock belongs to whom.
Blair: Man, you're on. Race you up.
Jim: (Whispering to himself) He's so damn easy.