pattrose (pattrose) wrote,

Hey Jim Part 3

Hey Jim 3
Things to ponder:
By Patt

Blair: Hey Jim, do you suppose that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?

Jim: God, Blair stop right now. I can't take any more stories about eating bug heads and so on.

Blair: Oh there were no bug heads eaten in any of these, man.

Jim: Why don't I trust you?

Blair: I don't know man. If a mime swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

Jim: Blair, that's a stupid question.

Blair: Why? Why is it stupid, Jim? Stupid because you think that mimes don't get in trouble, because you think mimes don't get dirty, or stupid because it's about mimes period.

Jim: Stupid because it's about mimes period.

Blair: I don't know anything about when mimes have their period, Jim, and I think it's fucking weird that you're worried about it.

Jim: See, I knew this was coming, damn it. I don't mean about their periods. I mean, it's stupid period.

Blair: Well, if you were stuck with a period every month, you'd hope that people wouldn't be calling them stupid periods.

Jim: Blair, please leave me in peace to read the paper.

Blair: Sure enough Jim. But first let me ask if a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no Guide around to hear he still wrong?

Jim: Of course he's still wrong.

Blair: Good answer, Jim. (Snickering)

Jim: Can I read now?

Blair: Oh sure. Don't mind me, I'll just ask you things as they come to me. Like, if someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Jim: (Choking on the sip of coffee he'd just taken, spitting clear across the room.) Sandburg, I'm going to kick your ass. You waited until I had a mouthful of coffee on purpose didn't you?

Blair: Me? I wasn't even watching you, man.

Jim: Like I believe that.

Blair: Hey Jim, is there another word for synonym?

Jim: No, there isn't. Now leave me alone. I mean it.

Blair: Are you always this grouchy when people ask questions? No wonder people think you're hard to talk to.

Jim: People think I'm hard to talk to? (With a pained look on his face.)

Blair: Oh man, you are so easy. I love it. Man, I'm good. (Standing up and taking a small bow.)

Jim: Fuck you, Blair.

Blair: And the crowd roars. Yes, I'm a master at getting my lover to say fuck you, after ten short minutes of conversation.

Jim: On second thought, I'm not going to fuck you and you're not going to fuck me. How about that?

Blair: And the crowd roars again. Yes, he's stooped to an all time low of sexual threats to his lifemate.

Jim: Why do I try?

Blair: I have no idea, Jim. None at all. You always lose, man.

Jim: Now, can I go back to reading?

Blair: Sure, read. Who's stopping you. Geeze, you'd think I had a gun to your head to just listen to me or something. Although I was thinking about this the other day and it almost scared me.

Jim: What? What scared you babe? (Getting that look of concern on his face that Blair loved so much)

Blair: Don't you think it's unnerving that doctors call what they do, 'practice'?

Jim: (Spitting Coffee all over the table again.) That settles it; I'm not going to listen to you any longer. Just shut up, Sandburg. No more.

Blair: Fine, then I won't share with you what I thought about this poor little turtle.

Jim: Stop right now, Blair. Are we going to discuss eating this turtle or something?

Blair: Man, that's gross, even for you. No, it was if a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? I told you we weren't going to discuss eating him.

Jim: Oh no, we're going to discuss whether he's naked or homeless. That's so much fucking better, Blair. I'm so relieved. Thanks for making this such an interesting day for me.

Blair: You're such a fucking prick sometimes. I hate that. (Pouting.)

Jim: Stop pouting, Sandburg, it's not working.

Blair: Fuck you, Ellison.

Jim: Are you really upset, Blair? (Getting that look of concern on his face again, that Blair so loved.)

Blair: No, I'm fine. If I tried to fail and succeed at it, which would I have done? Succeed or fail?

Jim: I fell for it again, didn't I?

Blair: I'd say I succeeded. I love you man.

Jim: I love you too, now can I read my paper?

Blair: No, I want to do something else.

Jim: Oh God, I love when you want to do something else.

Blair: Well, I was thinking more on the lines of more Hey Jim, statements.

Jim: Well fuck...

Blair: Man, you're so easy. Get upstairs, big man and I'll show you well fucked...

Tags: jokes

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