pattrose (pattrose) wrote,

Hey Jim 2

Hey Jim Part 2
Answering Ads in the Newspaper:
by Patt

Jim was sitting reading a book, looked over at Blair and said, "Hey Blair, if you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?"

At the moment, Blair was drinking, and he started choking on his water. Laughing very hard, he answered, "Where the hell did that come from Jim? I can't believe that I have you thinking of things like I do now."

Blair went back to his work on the files for work. When he remembered about a package he had to mail off for work and said, "Hey Jim, if Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?"

Jim looked over the top of his book again and said, "Hey Blair, if quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, quit while you're ahead?"

"Hey Jim," Blair laughed, "I haven't a clue, but that was really funny man. We should have that made into a plaque. And we could give it to Simon for some occasion."

“That’s a great idea, Chief,” Jim agreed.

"Okay, Jim, I have one for you." Blair said, "If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?"

"Good one," Jim said, "I have often wondered why the others were a television show. Oh you mean some other others?"

Laughing his head off, Blair said, "Jim that was so bad that I couldn't help but laugh."

"Jim," Blair said, "I often just sit and think about things and just thought of something. I was all hungry for some cheesecake and thought, desserts spelled backwards is stressed."

"That makes sense," Jim said, "if I don't have any sweets for a long time, I get totally stressed. Make sure and mention this to Simon. I think sometimes he needs more sweets."

They both laughed about that. Blair and Jim both loved when they were in these kinds of moods. Jim put his book down and moved closer to Blair. He pulled him into his arms and started kissing his neck. This was Blair's weak spot. Blair was melting into his arms and getting with the program. Jim said, "Chief, have you noticed that nostalgia isn't what it used to be?"

Blair pulled away from Jim and said, "Hey, are we laughing here or are we making out? Because I've got to tell you, I was getting into the neck kissing. I was just about ready to have you take me upstairs."

Jim tried not to smile as he said, "Chief, I'm sorry. I'll be serious now. Okay?" Jim started kissing Blair again and they were getting pretty hot and heavy when Blair said, "Jim, have you ever wondered if a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?"

"Hey, I thought we were supposed to be making out," Jim said.

"Sorry Jim," Blair answered, "but now I have my brain thinking about these little questions of the universe that you and I love to discuss."

"But Chief," Jim replied, "we have no answers to these little questions. So maybe we could put them on the back burner, what do you think?"

"Sorry, sorry." Blair said, apologetically. "I'll try and keep things serious now, big man. Oh guess what Henry asked me today in the bullpen?"

Jim said, "I'm almost afraid to ask. What?"

Blair smiled and said, "Hey it's a good question. Whatever happened to preparations A through G?"

"Geez, Chief," Jim said laughing, "I could have gone all day long without hearing that one. Who wants to think about that? And why would Henry be wondering?"

"Man," Blair said smiling, "I never even thought of that one. I'll have to tease him about that tomorrow in the pen."

Jim grabbed Blair and pulled him up and said, "Okay, enough is enough. Off to bed we go."

Blair said, "You won't hear any complaint's from me.”

The next day.

Jim was sitting at the table writing when Blair got home from the store. Blair asked, "What are you up to man?"

Jim answered, "Nothing much. Rafe is working on a case where he has to answer some ads in the newspaper. And I told him that he needed help in figuring out what means, what. So, I'm helping him."

Blair laughed and said, "You're helping him? Oh that's a good one, Jim. You probably don't know what most of the things mean."

Jim scowled at Blair and said, "Here is the first one. Independent Thinker… Crazy. What do you think about that, Chief?"

"Mighty impressed," Blair said, "I gotta say that I didn't figure you for having a sense of humor about ads in the newspaper. And why is Rafe reading ads in the newspaper?"

"Hell if I know, but it has something to do with a case," Jim said, "and I said, I would help. High-Spirited . . . Crazy, hyperactive, and throws things. Does that sound good, Chief?"

"Yeah, that sounds right." Blair said. "I'll take the next one. Free-Spirited . . . Crazy and irresponsible. That seems right, don't you think?"

Jim said, "I think we're doing a pretty good job here. Then Rafe won't be making any phone calls to someone that would be a waste of time. But then again, what if she was his destiny? His fate? What if we're wrong? Not."

Jim went to the next batch and Blair started howling as he read them. Jim said, "What? You don't agree?"

Attractive. . . Average and conceited.

Cute. .. Ugly.

Average. . . Below Average.

Ample . . . Large.

Huggable .. . Large.

Fat and Sassy . . . . Large and loudmouthed.

Slender. . Skinny.

Svelte . . . Anorexic.

Petite (I am). . . . . . . Short.

Petite (you are) . . . . . Size 2.

Dynamic . .Pushy.

Assertive . . Pushy with a mean streak.

Excited About Life's Journey . . No concept of reality.

Moody . . . . Manic-depressive.

Unpredictable . . . Manic-depressive and off medication.

Soulful . . . . .. Manic-depressive and quiet.

Poetic . . . . . . . Manic-depressive and boring.

Looking for Mr/Ms Right. . . . . Looking for Mr/Ms Rich.

Very Human . . . . . Quasimodo.

Uninhibited . . . . Lacking basic social skills.

Irreverent . . . . .. Mean and lacking basic social skills.

Aging Child . . . . Self-centered adult.

Freedom-loving . . . . Undependable.

Young at Heart . . .. . Over 40.

Youthful . . . . Over 50 and in major denial.

Chatty . . . . . . Never shuts up.

Humorous . . .. Watches too much TV and never shuts up.

Relaxed. . . . . . . Lazy

Energetic. . . . . .A Workaholic

Social Drinker. . . .Alcoholic

Non-Drinker. . . . .I just finished the 12 step program

Self-Employed. . . .. .Unemployed

Financially secure (I am). . . . Has a job.

Financially secure (you are) . . Rich.

Affectionate . . . . Horny.

Romantic . . . . Horny.

Passionate . . . . REALLY horny.

Blair was laughing so hard he could hardly see straight. "Jim, he's never going to believe anything with this list."

"Blair," Jim said, "maybe that is a good idea. We don't want him answering just any ad. What if this isn't for work? What if he needs a date?"

"Jim," Blair smacked the side of Jim's head as he said, "look at Rafe and tell me he would ever need to answer an ad in the paper. No way. I'd never believe it."

Smiling Jim said, "Yeah, you're probably right, he's too good a catch to have to advertise."

Scowling, Blair said, "What the hell do you mean by that? You find Rafe attractive? Man, you just shut your chances out of getting lucky."

"Chief," Jim said, "first of all, I don't find him at all attractive. I only find one man attractive and he's right in front of me. And he's making me feel really affectionate."

Blair smiled and said, "You mean horny?"

Jim said, "Hey not just horny. But passionate, and really horny. Come here and let me show you."

They went hand in hand up the stairs to show each other just how passionate they could be. And they were getting a very good head start as Blair pushed Jim on to the bed and started giving him a blowjob that Jim would not soon forget.

Tags: jokes

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