Jim, Blair and Rafe were driving along in Jim's pickup when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air.
Jim said, "I wish that was Sandburg."
Blair echoed, "I wish it was you."
Rafe sighed, "I wish it was dark . . . "
An old lady was speeding down the highway while she was knitting.
Rafe and Brown see this and speed up alongside her vehicle.
"Pullover!" Brown yells.
"No!" the woman replied, "They're mittens!"
Blair: How is a police car like a women?
Jim: I don't know, how?
Blair: It flashes and It usually has a dick in it.
Rafe went to doctor, "Doctor every night in my dream I am playing soccer."
Doctor says, "Take these pills, they will help you sleep better."
Rafe said, "I can't take them, tonight is the final game."
Jim: Why does Rafe always smile during a lighting storm?
Blair: Because he thinks that his picture is being taken.
Simon came to work on Monday morning with two black eyes. Everyone asked what happened.
Simon replied, “On Sunday, I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her butt crack, so I was trying to be nice and I pulled it out for her. Then, she turned around and punched me in the eye.”
Jim asked, “Okay, so where did you get the other shiner?”
“Well,” Simon said, “I figured she didn’t want it out, so I pushed it back in.”
A Russian, an American, and Rafe were talking one day.
The Russian said, ‘We were the first in space!”
The American said, “We were the first on the moon!”
Rafe said, “So what? We’re going to be the first on the sun!”
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. “You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!” said the Russian. To which Rafe replied,
“We’re not stupid, you know. We’re going at night!”
Bumper Stickers for the guys:
Simon: Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death
Joel: Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have any film.
Jim: Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill
Blair: Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies
Connor: Keep honking, I'm reloading
Rafe: I used to have a handle on life...but it broke off.
Henri: Don't come knocking if the car is rocking