pattrose (pattrose) wrote,

Some good old jokes...

Connor: I just don't share the enthusiasm
some new parents have for babies.

Rhonda: Yeah, I know what you mean.

Connor: Last week I spent a whole afternoon with
Janie and her two brats, and my Fallopian tubes tied themselves.


Jim: Do you know what it means to come home at night to a man who will
give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness?

Simon: It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means!

Like a lot of married men, Blair got the "You just don't appreciate me"
speech once from Jim. He promised to treat him royally
for the remainder of the day.

He took Jim to lunch at Burger King and Dairy Queen for dessert.


Q. What does Blair and an ambulance have in common?
A. They both get loaded from the rear and go Woo-Whoo!


Late one Saturday night Jim received a phone call at his home from a neighbor.
It was a little old lady who asked him how to stop two dogs from
screwing in the alley. At first, Jim said, "Try prying them
apart with a broom handle."

Ten minutes later the Jim's phone rang
again, and it was the same lady with the same problem.
JIm stated, "Oh, the broom handle didn't work? Try a
bucket of cold water."

Fifteen minutes later his phone rang once more. The lady
said that plan number two had failed. This time Jim said, "Just tell
the male dog that the phone is ringing and it's for him."

The woman replied, "What? Do you honestly think that will stop him from

Jim quickly responded, "Sure. It's worked three times on
me tonight already!"


Blair is in the middle of his classes at the academy, when
he was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had
to arrest your own mother?"

Blair answered, "Call for backup."


Blair's tee-shirt for the day: You don't need a parachute to skydive.
You need a parachute to skydive twice.

Jim's tee-shirt for the day: I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people
who annoy me.

What do the fan and the vacuum say to each other when they're pissed off.
Fan: You suck!
Vacuum: Blow me!
Tags: jokes

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