Sandy, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.
We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green.
When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead.
I hear Jimbo is looking for me now.
"Hey Jim, What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison?" Blair asked.
"I don't know, Chief, what do you call a small clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison?"
"A small medium at large."
TEN WAYS You Know You Married a COP!
10. When you start an argument, he calls for back-up (You know this would happen with Jim and Blair.)
9. Refers to bedroom as "The Pokey" (LMAO)
8. Secret desire to see you in a Kevlar vest, wearing nothing else. (Woo Hoo)
7. Calls farting his "silent alarm"
6. The obvious nightstick reference.
5. You never hear him say, " OH, Man.... not donuts again !!"
4. Refers to his winkie as "the ol' breathalyzer!"
3. Stops you in the middle of sex to ask you if you knew how fast you were going.
2. Handcuffs don't turn him on anymore.
1. YES, that IS a gun in his pocket !!!!!
TOP TEN SIGNS THE POLICE CHIEF DOESN'T LIKE Jim or Blair:
1) He refers to them as "our mascots".
2) Instead of a gun, Blair was issued a water pistol.
3) Your locker is also the broom closet.
4) The job description in Blair's contract includes "crash test dummy" and "pepper-spray test subject."
5) He sends Jim and Blair on drug raids - alone.
6) He always tells Blair that only wussies call for back-up.
7) He makes up "missing persons" and then sends Jim and Blair to look for them.
8) You always get the car with the flat tire, no gas, a dead battery, and a broken air conditioner when Jim's truck is in the shop.
9) He lied to you about an "officer exchange program" and now they're stuck with Conner.
10) He doesn't like to be seen with the boys in public.
Wanna hear a dirty joke? Jim falls into the mud.
Wanna hear a clean joke? He takes a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a dirty joke? Bubbles is Blair's nickname.
Jim walks into a bar.
He asks the bartender for a shot of whiskey.
The bartender asks "Why?" Jim responds and says "I got my first blow."
The bartender says "In that case I'll give you two shots of whiskey."
Jim says "No, I just want one to get the taste out of my mouth."