Warnings: Sort of non-con. Slash and angst.
Word count: 6,000
Do or Die
Jim slowly woke up from what he would guess to be a really bad hangover. Suddenly, he realized he couldn’t move his arms or legs. He was tied down and he had on a blindfold. Jim didn’t want to panic right away, but the last thing he remembered was he and Blair playing 5000 Rummy and Blair was kicking his ass. He listened to see if Blair was here with him. He hoped he wouldn’t hear his heartbeat, but sure enough, next to him was Blair. Blair was also awake and freaking out.
Jim said, “Chief, don’t freak out yet. We don’t know what this is about yet. Maybe they just want some information and then they’ll let us go. They have us blindfolded, so that’s a good sign.”
“Jesus, Jim, I’ve been calling out for you for over an hour. What the fuck did they give us? How did they get us? The last thing I remember was playing cards. How about you?”
“Yes, that’s what I remember too. They must have slid something under the door and pumped some gas into the loft. I know I was drugged, but that’s the only way it could have happened. We didn’t eat or drink anything out of the ordinary. Let me listen for them,” Jim said as calmly as he could. He knew that Blair was freaking out and with good cause. Jim was freaking out too.
Jim listened closely and could hear four or five men in another room, but then he realized there was someone in the room with them. Jim heard him come closer and he asked, “What do you want from us?”
“Oh shit, are they in here?” Blair called out quietly.
“Yes, Blair, he’s right next to me,” Jim answered.
“Well, it’s good to see you both awake. We were beginning to wonder if we were ever going to start having fun,” the stranger said.
“Who are you and what do you want?” Jim asked.
“You’ll never know who we are, but our client wants you hurt in the worst way possible, so we figured we’d come up with a plan for Sandburg here,” the man almost laughed when he said it.
Blair asked, “Like what?”
“Like, your partner will fuck you, or you’ll die,” the man answered.
“That’s not going to happen,” Jim shouted as he started to try and get loose from his ties. He then realized they were handcuffs and he was going nowhere.
“Ellison, it will happen or we’ll kill him.”
“You’re going to kill us anyhow, so just kill us now,” Blair suggested firmly.
“You talk big, but would you be able to live with yourself if we killed him and let you live? That’s what we have planned for him. We’ll kill you and then let him go. He’ll have to live with that for the rest of his life. Or we’ll do the opposite and kill him and let you live. Do you think either of you can live with that?”
Blair was quiet for a moment and asked, “Why are you doing this?”
“Our client wants to degrade you both as much as he can and he knows you might live together but you aren’t a couple. So, that’s when he came up with the idea. Not only will you fuck him, Ellison, but we’ll tape it and send copies to your friends. You’ll do it, or live without your partner.”
“Fuck you. I’m not touching him so you can all get your rocks off, you sick perverted son-of-a-bitch,” Jim yelled.
Blair said, “Jim, calm down. It doesn’t help to get upset. That’s what they want. They’re probably taping this already.”
“Right you are, Sandburg. We’re not only taping it, but the client is watching the show. He’s enjoying it so far. Are you going to let your partner fuck you?”
Blair thought a moment and said, “Don’t we have time to discuss it or something?”
“No, it’s make up your mind time. Will you let him fuck you so that you both live, or will you refuse and we’ll kill him or you?”
“Well, what do you think I’m going to say, you idiot,” Blair growled.
The man walked up to Blair’s side of the bed and slapped him hard on the face. It took Blair by surprise and he made a noise when the man did it.
“Don’t fucking touch him. Get away from him. Kill me and let him go. That’s what the deal was, right?” Jim asked.
“No, I said he had to decide. It’s not your decision. He is willing to let you fuck him, so that’s what’s going to happen or else.”
Jim swallowed hard and said, “Or else what?”
“If you don’t give him what he wants, we’re going to kill you both.”
“You’re going to kill us anyway. Even if you say you won’t, you are. I know little pieces of shit like you and they never keep their word,” Jim shouted.
“It’s not up to us. It’s up to the client and he said you have to live, so that he can torment you with the recording. He has it all planned. Now, do you have anything useful to say, Ellison?”
“I’m not fucking my friend,” Jim answered.
“Well, that’s your loss. Because I have many men that would love to while you watch. So is that what you want?”
Blair said, “Jim, tell them you’ll do it. Please don’t let anyone else do it.”
Jim turned his head towards Blair’s bed and softly said, “Blair, I couldn’t if I wanted to.”
“Oh don’t worry, we think you’ll get into the program quite easily once it’s started.”
“What is wrong with you? Don’t you understand how wrong this is? Can’t you see that someone is sick in the head to do this?” Jim tried logic.
Too bad logic wasn’t in the cards. “We’re getting paid very well for this, Ellison. So either way we’re going to have fun. We either watch you do your partner or you’ll watch while my men do him.”
“Jim, please?” Blair pleaded.
“Chief, I can’t do that to you.”
“Jim, you said you were my best friend. Best friends fuck. It’s as simple as that. Now tell them you want to do me.”
Jim started trying once again to get out of the handcuffs to no avail. “We won’t say anything if you let us go now.”
“Ellison, you’re not getting this. You’re going nowhere if you don’t go along with this. He won’t let you live.”
“Maybe neither of us want to. Did you ever think of that?” Jim wondered.
Blair said as calmly as he could. “Jim, you told me last week that I was your best friend and that you loved me. Were you lying?”
“No, I wasn’t lying. But I won’t take advantage of you just so they can get their jollies,” Jim explained.
“Please Jim? Think about it,” Blair pleaded once again.
Suddenly Jim heard the man go stand next to Blair again. He started thrashing on the bed and said, “Get away from him.”
“What are you doing? Please don’t do this,” Blair begged.
“I’m just cutting your clothing off, Sandburg. That’s all. I’m no pervert. They want to watch, not me,” the man continued to cut all of Blair’s clothing off. Then he started on Jim’s.
When he was done getting all of the clothing off of them and leaving them naked and exposed the man said, “I’ll give you ten minutes to decide. Ten is it.”
Jim heard the door close and said, “Chief, please don’t ask me to do this.”
“Jim, we have no choice. I don’t mind that much, really.”
“Well, I do. So they’re going to have to kill us first,” Jim answered.
“Jim, they might kill you but they’re going to use me up first before they kill me. You heard the man.”
“Jesus Christ, Blair. I can’t fuck you. That’s rape. I don’t do rape,” Jim commented as calmly as he could.
“Jim, please? I don’t want those other guys to have me.”
Jim could hear the tears in Blair’s voice and he hated that they were doing this to him.
“I won’t let them do anything to you. I’ll kill them first,” Jim promised.
“So, you’re going to do it?” Blair asked softly.
“Yes, I’m going to do it. I don’t want to do it, but I can’t leave you in their hands either. That would be totally irresponsible of me. I’m sorry you’re in this, Chief.”
“Thank you, Jim.”
“You won’t thank me when it’s over,” Jim said sadly.
“I might. I love you, too,” Blair said hoping it would help Jim.
“Jesus, they’re drugging us again. I’ll try to stay alert as long as I can,” Jim said quietly as the gas filled the room. He knew that Blair was already asleep. He could hear the heavy breathing. Jim followed him soon after.
When Jim woke up again, he was untied and so was Blair. Jim looked at Blair’s naked form and wondered if he could actually do this to him. Jim had always wondered about it, but had never said anything to Blair about it. Now, that choice was taken out of their hands.
Blair started to wake up and Jim rushed to his side. “It’s okay, Chief. I’m awake too. Don’t be afraid, all right?”
Blair got off of the bed and went into Jim’s arms. Jim just held him close and wondered what was going to happen. Jim then saw the lube on the dresser across from them.
“Blair, are you sure about this?”
“Yes, Jim, I’m sure about this.”
Jim leaned into Blair’s hair and kissed his head. Blair held him even tighter if that was possible.
“I hate to break this up, but get busy or we drug you again and you’ll have no choice in getting it up. Either fuck him now or we’ll make sure you do after this.”
Jim pulled Blair’s face up and kissed him. The kiss was soft and filled with longing. Blair realized that Jim wasn’t faking this. He might mean it. This made Blair feel somewhat better.
Jim said, “The lube is over there, I’m going to get it and get you ready. Unless you’d rather do me.”
“No changing roles. You’re going to fuck Sandburg and that’s all there is to it,” the voice said louder and angrier this time.
Jim couldn’t tell who he was angry at and he didn’t really care at that moment anyway.
Jim began to kiss Blair once more and they moved over to the bed. Blair found out the strangest thing, he liked the way Jim kissed. It didn’t bother him at all. He had been with men before, so this wasn’t new to him, but he’d never been with a friend. That he worried about a little.
Once on the bed, they began to kiss and fondle each other until they were both hard.
Blair finally said, “Fuck me, Jim. Get me ready and fuck me.”
Jim got the lube out and started to stretch Blair easily and slowly. He didn’t want to hurt Blair in any way. Jim went down on Blair and sucked his cock until Blair said, “I’m right there. Fuck me.”
Jim slid extra lube on his dick and slid into Blair’s tight hole. Blair was so warm and inviting that Jim knew he was going to come quickly. Jim pulled Blair’s legs up around his waist to get even closer so that he could get in deeper. With every thrust, Blair was breathing harder and harder.
Jim began to fist Blair’s cock until he whispered Jim’s name, threw his head back and came all over the two of them.
Jim knew it wasn’t going to be long for him either, so he gave three hard thrusts and came moaning Blair’s name.
Jim kissed Blair again and said, “I do love you.”
“I know you do. No one else would have done what you did,” Blair said with pride.
Jim started slipping out and saw there were wipes by the bed. He cleaned himself up and then Blair. Then he slid into the bed with Blair and they both took a little nap.
Jim woke up but didn’t open his eyes. They had drugged them again. This time Jim was cuffed to the wall again. He didn’t even try and fight it. He had just done something that he had always dreamed of and now it was ruined because of this. Blair would never be able to look at him the same again.
Jim knew the man was in the room and finally asked, “What do you want now?”
“We’re going to drug you once more, un-cuff you and you’ll be free to go. The client got exactly what he wanted, so we’re keeping our end of the bargain.”
“Can you tell me why he did this?” Jim asked.
“All I can say is you sent him away and life wasn’t good for him in prison. He said you’ll never find him again, so don’t even bother looking. He’s been out awhile, so you have no idea when he got out. How many people have you sent away that carried a grudge? He’s just one of the many, I would say,” the man answered truthfully.
“You’re just doing your job, right?” Jim asked very sarcastically.
“Yes, I was. You didn’t look like you were having such a bad time either. The client was very happy with the tape of it all. Do you want a copy?” the man asked hatefully.
“Why do you hate me so much?” Jim asked.
“You did what he wanted. You should have been willing to die for your friend, not fuck him.”
Jim didn’t say anything more because he knew it was true. He waited for the man to leave the room and listened for the sound of the gas again.
“Sir, we got a DVD of Ellison and Sandburg and you wouldn’t believe what’s on it,” Rafe said to Simon.
“Bring it here and let me see,” Simon ordered.
Rafe, Brown, Conner and Joel walked into the office.
“It must be bad if you’re all in here,” Simon stated as he slipped the disc into his player.
“Oh my god, do you see the blood all over Jim’s arms?” Conner asked.
“They must have cuffed him and someone is forcing him to do this. Why else would he do this?” Simon asked.
Joel said, “They probably gave them a choice in death or fucking. I’m glad that we got the recording because that means they’ll probably let them go now.”
“So where did the blood come from?” Henri asked, never taking his eyes off the hollow look on Jim’s face.
Simon guessed, “It looks like he fought them and they keep him locked up until he did what they asked. Were they working on anything unusual?”
“No, we’ve all been working on the Benson case. It’s boring. That wouldn’t have caused this. This is something old and someone had time to plan it properly. Maybe a year or more. So I say we look back at someone he sent away and got out in the last year or so,” Conner suggested.
Once the recording stopped, Joel said, “Did you all notice how they kept their eyes closed the entire time? This must have been devastating for both of them. I don’t know where to start looking for them.”
Jim woke once again and sighed to himself. How was he ever going to live with this? And were these people going to actually let them go?
Blair woke up and looked over at Jim. “Do they want a repeat performance?” Blair wondered.
“No, we’re free to go. There are some of our clothes from the loft on the dresser over here. We need to call Simon and report this,” Jim said coldly.
Blair was afraid of this. He knew Jim was never going to forgive himself for this entire thing. “Jim, we did what we had to do. Let’s leave it at that.”
“Whatever. I say we get dressed and call Simon,” Jim suggested again.
They both put their clothes on and walked through the open door. There was no one in the building but Jim and Blair. Jim made sure and listened for heartbeats. All he could hear was Blair’s doing triple time.
They got upstairs and Jim saw a cell phone. It was Jim’s. He called the station and asked for Simon.
“Simon, it’s me. I need to report a rape.”
Blair shouted, “It wasn’t rape!”
“I need to report a crime,” Jim corrected himself.
“Jim we got the recording of what happened. Where are you?” Simon asked.
“I have no idea. Let me see if there is an address out front. Talk to Blair for a minute,” Jim handed him the phone and walked out front to see if he could find an address.
“Sandburg, are you all right?”
“I’m serious, do we need medics when we come?” Simon inquired.
“I’m fine. Jim’s fine except he’ll need some mental help through all of this,” Blair said.
Jim walked back into the room and grabbed the phone. “We’re at 2305 Hamilton Blvd. It’s a white building. We’ll be outside waiting for you.”
“Jim do we need medics?” Simon asked once again.
“We’ll be there in five minutes. Hold on,” Simon stated.
Jim closed his cell phone and said, “The Calvary is on the way. A little late, but still on the way. They saw the show, Chief.”
“Oh shit…I was hoping that the guy got his rocks off and just stopped at that. Where else do you think he’s going to send it to?” Blair questioned.
“Maybe the press. Maybe our parents, I don’t know.”
“We did what we had to do, Jim.”
“There is no way we can justify what we did. I’ll never get over it,” Jim said as he walked out of the building.
Blair sighed and knew he was going to have to work on this with Jim if it killed him.
Jim didn’t look at Blair once while they waited for Simon and the gang to show up. Blair was freaking out about that.
“Jim, this wasn’t our fault. We need to blame the right person,” Blair stated.
“I know, but that’s hard to do when I did what I did,” Jim admitted.
“Jim, I came, so does that make it wrong for me too?” Blair asked softly.
“No, not wrong, just weird. This is going to be hard, Chief. I think you should stay with Conner for awhile until I work some things out in my head,” Jim suggested.
“No man, I’m not staying at Conner’s. We’re sticking together, Jim. It’s as simple as that.”
“Nothing is simple about any of this, Chief.”
“Maybe not, but we’re not separating. So stop talking about it. Got it?” Blair asked angrily.
“I’m so fucking sorry,” Jim confessed.
“Stop being sorry. You didn’t hurt me. It felt good and we made the best of it. Just stop telling me you’re sorry. Okay? While you’re at it, could you at least look at me when you talk to me?” Blair pleaded with Jim and it worked. Jim looked over at him sadly, but looked nonetheless.
“I’m sorry that it had to happen like this.”
At that moment Simon and the gang all came driving up and slammed on the brakes. Simon was the first one to get to them and said, “Are you sure you don’t need a medic?”
Blair smiled at his worried boss and said, “No, we’re fine. We’ll be just fine, don’t worry so much.”
“Yeah, what’s fucking between friends?” Jim growled as he walked to Simon’s car and got in the front seat.
“Kid, I don’t know what you’re going to do about this, but he isn’t fine,” Simon said.
“He’s embarrassed. Wouldn’t you be?” Blair asked.
Conner came over and hugged Sandburg and said, “Sandy we’re so glad you and Jimbo are all right.”
Blair hugged her back and said, “Thank you.”
Henri and Rafe walked up and Henri said, “We’ll get the fuckers, don’t worry.”
“I’d rather just forget the entire thing,” Blair said as he walked over and got in the back seat of Simon’s car.
“I guess they’re ready to go file a report,” Simon said as he headed to his car. He knew this was going to be the quietest trip they would ever make. Sighing he got into the car and left his officers to gather up all of the evidence at the site.
When they got to the office, Simon barked, “Get into the meeting room and I’ll meet you there. I’ve got to get some paperwork to fill out.”
Jim and Blair both walked to the first meeting room and sat down at the table. Jim sat quite far away from Blair, which pissed Blair off.
“What? Do I have bugs or something? Why are you sitting so far away? You hate me now don’t you,” Blair said sadly.
Jim got out of his chair and sat in the chair next to Blair. “Is that better?”
“You do hate me, don’t you?” Blair asked quietly.
“Blair we’ll discuss this when we get home. Simon is almost here. Don’t talk about any of this in front of him. Promise me?” Jim asked.
“Okay, I’ll wait until we get home. Then we’re going to talk about some things.”
Simon walked through the doorway and said, “Do either of you want to see the tape?”
Both men said, “No!” at the very same moment.
“Good. I didn’t bring it with me. Now, here are the forms, we’re going to get them filled out as best as we can. You were kidnapped and then sexually abused. Wouldn’t you call it that?” Simon inquired.
Blair spoke up and said, “No, just kidnapped and made to do things that we didn’t want to do. We weren’t sexually abused at all.”
Jim sighed loudly and Simon said, “Do you disagree, Jim?”
“I fucked him, Simon. That’s sexual misconduct no matter how you look at it.”
“Oh, stop being so dramatic, Jim. It wasn’t like we didn’t enjoy it. We both did. So just shut up,” Blair shouted.
Simon almost smiled for a second. Then he saw Jim’s face and stopped immediately. “So, we’re just looking for kidnappers, am I right?”
Blair answered, “Yes.”
Jim just clammed up and didn’t say a word.
Blair filled out the entire report and nothing about the sex was written in it. When he was done he handed it to Jim to read and sign.
“You’re kidding, right? I fucked you. You can bring me up on charges for that, Blair.”
“Simon, this paper is ready. There is no reason to bring in the tape at all. Why would anyone care? They kidnapped us and that’s all you need to know.”
“I agree with Blair, Jim. So, get over it,” Simon snapped.
Jim got up and stormed out of the room. Simon looked at Blair and said, “Do we need to make appointments at the shrink?”
“Duh…What do you think, Simon?” Blair asked sarcastically.
“Let me give you both a ride home,” Simon said.
“That would be great, but chances are, Jim’s walking if I know him at all. Can you help me find him?”
“Sure, let’s go and find him,” Simon bellowed.
“Martin, do you happen to know which way Ellison went?” Blair asked his fellow worker.
“Yeah he went down to the garage. I saw him there. He was pacing there. Is everything all right?” Martin asked.
“Yeah, everything will be just fine. Stop worrying, man. We’ll see you later,” Blair said as he and Simon walked down the stairs to the parking garage. Sure enough there was Jim doing laps in the underground parking garage. Simon would have smiled if the circumstances were different.
Blair caught up to Jim and said, “Come on, you promised you would talk to me at the loft. Simon is going to take us home now.”
“Fine…” Jim walked over to Simon’s car and got in the back seat this time.
“Jim, why are you sitting in the back seat?” Blair asked.
“Why not? What difference does it make?” Jim asked angrily.
Simon barked, “Stop it right now, Ellison. It’s not Sandburg’s fault about what happened and I want you to stop blaming him right now.”
“I don’t blame him, believe me. There is only one person I blame and that’s me.”
Simon rolled his eyes and Blair wanted to. No one said a word for the entire drive home.
When Jim and Blair walked into the loft, Jim said, “I need to take a shower.”
“And like I don’t?” Blair asked bitterly.
“Fine, take yours first.”
“Jim, take yours and I’ll take mine last. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have sounded so angry,” Blair admitted.
“You have every right to be angry, Chief. I’ll hurry with my shower.”
Jim went upstairs and got his clean clothing and walked into the bathroom and shut the door quietly. He really wanted to slam it, but he held his temper at bay.
He stripped and stepped into the steaming hot water. He didn’t put any cold on at all. The door opened and Blair’s hand touched the water and he said, “Turn some cold on, right now.”
“I need to get clean,” Jim said.
“You’ll get plenty clean with warm water, not scalding hot water. Please, do it for me,” Blair pleaded.
“Fine,” Jim answered and turned the hot water down.
Blair said, “Thank you.” Then he left Jim in peace to take his shower.
It was almost a half of an hour later when Jim came walking out all cleaned up. “Your turn, Chief.”
Jim stared at the door and wanted to say something to his friend, but he didn’t know what to say. What do you say to a friend that you just fucked? Jim had no idea.
When Blair came walking out of the bathroom, he found Jim out on the balcony. He wasn’t moving and Blair was afraid Jim had zoned. He started for the doorway and Jim said, “I’m fine.”
“Okay, I was just checking.”
“Blair, did I hurt you today?” Jim asked, out of the blue.
“No, I thought you’d be able to tell that much,” Blair replied.
Jim turned around and asked, “What happens to us now?”
“What do you mean?” Blair inquired.
“I can’t just go back to being your friend,” Jim said.
“I fucked you. I enjoyed fucking you. It would never be the same again,” Jim confessed.
“I enjoyed it too, so where do we go from there?” Blair asked this time.
“I don’t know,” Jim answered.
Blair walked over into Jim’s space and went into his arms. Jim held on to Blair for dear life. “I do love you.”
Blair smiled into Jim’s large chest and answered, “I love you, too.”
“So what do we do?” Jim questioned once more.
“How about dates?” Blair replied.
“Dates?” Jim asked.
“Yeah, I’d sort of like to date you. I mean like a movie and dinner some night. We could work our way up to sex,” Blair suggested.
“I could do dating. Would you like to go for dinner and a movie tomorrow?” Jim asked.
“Jim, are you going to be able to put this behind us? I don’t want it getting in our way of a relationship.”
“Chief, I think I’ll be fine. I thought you wouldn’t want me around you any more and that killed me,” Jim declared.
“I want you around all the time. I say we go to dinner and a movie tonight, so that we can sleep in each other’s arms tonight.”
“You’re on. What movie would you like to see?” Jim asked.
“First of all, I want you to call Simon and tell him that we’re not going to file any charges. I don’t want to look for them. They’ll only remind us of bad times. I want good times. So call, okay?” Blair pleaded.
Jim couldn’t say no to Blair. He picked up the phone and dialed the station.
“Simon, we don’t want to file any charges. Let’s pretend like this didn’t happen. Blair and I are fine with that. We’re doing all right. We’re going out to eat tonight and seeing a movie. So, don’t worry if you call and we’re out.”
“Jim, those vids might show up anywhere at anytime. What about that?”
“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, Simon. See you later.”
“Take the next two days off and be well, both of you,” Simon ordered.
“We are well, Simon. Stop worrying. I’m over it and Blair is Guiding me the entire way. Tell everyone not to worry.”
Jim hung up the phone and smiled at Blair. “How about dinner and dancing at home?”
“You got it. You’re really okay with these guys doing this to us?”
“No. I love you and I want to be with you, so it’s best that we leave the bad stuff behind. Hopefully we’ll never hear from them again.”
They both decided where they were going to have dinner that night and Jim was extra cautious of people watching them or listening to them. He was afraid that they were still being watched.
“Jim, are you worried that they’re watching us?” Blair asked.
“A little. They had to have had more of an agenda, don’t you think?” Jim asked, wanting to hold Blair’s hand in the worst way.
“Let’s not worry about them. Let’s only think about us. It’s time for us now,” Blair commanded.
Jim smiled and put his hand over Blair’s. Blair smiled back and knew everything would work out all right.
From across the room, a nice looking young man was watching them, unknown to Jim and Blair. He took his camera out and snapped a shot of Jim holding Blair’s hand at the table. He smiled and walked out of the bar. No one noticed him and that’s how he wanted it.