Blair was angrier then he had ever been when he shouted, “It’s your fault.” Then he opened the door, went out it and slammed it behind him. That’s the last thing he said to me and that was three days ago.
Everyone in Major Crime is asking me where Blair has been for the last three days. I keep making up excuses, but I know they all think I did something. They are probably right. After all, he did say it was my fault. Now if I could just figure out what he meant by that, I would have it made.
Megan Conner walked up to me and asked, “So Jimbo, what did you do this time? I know Sandy’s pissed off and that’s why he hasn’t been into the station. What did you do?”
I sighed as I stared at the angry Aussie. She was a very good friend to Blair, and for that I was grateful, but sometimes she was overly nosey and it drove me nuts.
I finally said, “Conner, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Sandburg is busy at the University and he hasn’t had time to come in. Now do you mind if I get back to work?”
“You’re so full of shit, Ellison. I’ve called him for three days and he hasn’t returned my calls. You don’t know where he is, do you?” Conner asked me.
She knew and I knew that she knew. My shoulders slumped when I couldn’t think of anything else to say. She leaned into my personal space and whispered, “You two didn’t break up did you?”
You know, usually I give her a lot of credit for knowing exactly what’s going on in the bullpen, but this was just insane. Why would Blair break off a perfectly good partnership? There was no reason. So I whispered back, “We would never dissolve our working relationship or our friendship.”
“I’m talking about you and Sandy as a couple, you moron,” Conner spat out at me.
I had to admit, she threw me for a loop. What was she talking about? “Conner, we aren’t a couple. Didn’t you know?”
“Oh my god, it’s worse then I thought. Follow me to room 2. There is no one in there and we can talk in private,” Conner ordered as she led the way to interrogation room 2.
What’s really odd is that I followed her. Normally I would have told her to take a flying fuck, but today I followed her. I wanted to know what she was talking about.
I no sooner got in the room and Conner slammed the door shut, making me wince from the noise and shoved me into the closest chair. She was pacing a lot like Blair does when I upset him in some way. In fact she looked a lot like he looked that night that he blamed me for something and walked out. I didn’t say a word. I was waiting for her to start. Hoping she could make sense of some of this for me.
“Ellison,” she began, “I can’t believe that you don’t know about you and Sandy. It’s evidentially only one sided I would guess. He loves you, has been in love with you for ages. Now tell me what he left for.”
I don’t know why, but I answered her. “He asked me some things and then got angry, started pacing like you were doing and then said it was my fault and walked out the door. That was three days ago.”
Conner just stood there looking at me like she couldn’t believe what she had heard. “So there is no you and Sandy?”
“No, we aren’t together,” I answered quickly, hoping to move on to something else.
“Jimbo, what did he say to you before he left the loft. Tell me word for word,” Conner was talking to me like I was four years old. It was pissing me off.
Again, I don’t know why but I answered her right away. “He said that we couldn’t be the kind of friends that he wanted to be if I was so blind. I told him I didn’t know what he was talking about and he got mad.”
Conner started pacing again and said, “Back up a little bit. Didn’t it make you wonder what kind of friends he wanted to be?”
I thought about that for a moment and answered, “No, not really. I just figured I had done something to piss him off and he was angry. But now I can’t find him. He’s been gone for three days and he’s not at the University.”
“Ellison, he was talking about being lovers, you idiot,” Conner almost shouted at me, making me wince once again.
“He didn’t say that, and why would he say that? Things were great between us, why bring that into the equation?” I asked truthfully.
“So let me get this right. You don’t love Sandy and don’t see anything ever happening between the two of you?” Conner asked, somewhat calmer this time. She almost looked like she was trying to help me.
“Of course I love Sandburg. He’s my best friend and working partner. There is no one better, know what I mean?”
“But you would never love him like a lover?” Conner asked straight out.
“I never really gave it much thought. Don’t get that disgusted look on your face. This is all new to me,” I stated.
“Do you have any idea where he is?” Conner asked me, hopefully.
“Conner, I just told you, I can’t find him anywhere. I’ve called everyone he knows and the University hasn’t seen him in three days. They said he took a week. So I guess he’ll be back in one week and I can find him then and discuss all of this,” I suggested.
“So let me get this right… You’re going to wait for a week to find him? He could be lying dead somewhere for all you know. I can’t believe you didn’t put an APB out on him. You are slipping in your duties as Sentinel taking care of his Guide,” Conner said unhappily.
“What do you suggest I do?” I asked, knowing she would have some answer, because after all, she was a woman. That’s all they did was talk when you really didn’t need to talk to them.
“I suggest you get yourself busy and put out an APB on him, telling everyone to contact you and you alone. Then I’d take some time off and see if you can’t find him with some good old fashioned police work.” Conner seemed to be getting less angry as the time went on. I was glad to see this. No one wants an angry Conner in their path.
“I called all of his best friends and even a couple of professors. No one knows where he is. I don’t know where to start,” I admitted.
“First of all, how do you feel about Sandy?” Conner asked ever so casually.
I have to tell you, I’m not comfortable discussing feelings with anyone, especially with Conner. It’s none of her fucking business.
“Don’t you give me that go to hell look, Detective Ellison. Spill.”
I sighed for like the tenth time since we’d been in the room and answered, “I like him. I find him attractive.”
“That’s how you feel about Sandy? That’s it?” Conner asked incredulously.
I knew I had to stick up for myself it was as simple as that. “I didn’t understand what he was asking. Yes, I would be interested, if that’s what you want to know. I just didn’t think with all his girlfriends, it would ever be an option.”
“He told me he loved you three months ago. So he’s had to handle that all by himself without his best friend to talk to. I know he wouldn’t have felt comfortable enough to call me. It’s a shame really,” Conner confessed.
I had to ask. “He said he loved me? Are you sure he wasn’t talking as a friend?”
“Did you take a stupid pill today? No, not as your friend. He’s in love with you. Can you deal with that?” Conner asked me.
“Of course I can deal with that. It’s Sandburg,” I responded.
Conner smiled at me and said, “You’re scared to death aren’t you?”
“Well, duh…” I replied.
“We need to figure out where he is and call him,” Conner suggested.
“He was dating a nice girl named Sally for about three months now, but I called her house and she said she hadn’t seen him,” I said.
“Do you have her number for me to call?” Conner asked and I realized what she had planned. She was going to track him down, because he might talk to her.”
I took my notepad out of my pocket and wrote down Sally’s number. I knew it by heart because I had called it quite a number of times. I was always interrupting Blair and Sally. Always. Maybe I did know. Holy shit, I *am* an idiot. It *is* my fault.
Conner took the number and dialed it. “Yes, I was wondering if I could talk to Blair Sandburg.”
“I’m sorry but he isn’t here,” the nice voice answered.
“Is this Sally? Could you tell him that it’s Megan Conner? He might choose to answer the call if he knows who it is,” Conner said.
“Yes, Megan this is Sally and Blair doesn’t want to talk to anyone,” Sally said quickly.
“Could you at least tell him that it’s me and I’m worried,” Megan pleaded.
“Hang on a moment,” Sally said and Conner could hear talking in the background. Finally Blair answered the phone, “Hi Conner. You can stop worrying now. I’m fine. I’m just taking a much needed break.”
“Sandy, he really didn’t know about the two of you. He was shocked when I opened up his eyes to it and he’s ready to beg for forgiveness.”
“Well, that all sounds great, but Jim isn’t interested in me. I could tell that, that morning I was talking to him and he just blew off what I said.”
Conner said, “What did you say to him?”
“I told him that I felt like we needed to take our friendship in another direction. Now tell me, Conner if that isn’t easy enough to understand,” Blair said sadly.
“For a normal person, yes. But when it comes to Jim Ellison, you know he’s going to take the harder road if you give him a choice. He didn’t understand what you were asking for,” Conner explained.
I sat there listening to the love of my life talk to Conner and wanted to yank the phone from her hands, but I knew I was going to have to play this out very carefully. Blair sounded mad, sad and upset. I never wanted to do that to him. I was going to work this out, if it killed both of us.
I whispered in Conner’s ear, “See if he’ll talk to me for a second.” I stood back and waited for her to ask him.
“Sandy, if Jim wanted to talk to you for a second, would you listen to him?” Conner asked him.
“I guess so. It wouldn’t hurt to hear what he had to say. Oh my god, is he in the room with you?” Blair asked sounding even more upset.
“Yes, he’s been here all along. He’s with the program now, Sandy, so here he is,” Conner said as she handed the phone over to me.
I cleared my throat and said, “Chief, I’m so fucking sorry. I wasn’t listening to what you were saying. I mean, I thought I heard what you said, but it wasn’t what you said. I’m so sorry. I do have feelings for you, but I thought it was only me. And besides, what about Sally?”
“You know that sometimes you’re a really good detective, and others you’re like Get Smart where you figure out something, totally by accident. Well this time you weren’t a good detective,” Blair insisted.
“I understand that I wasn’t listening, but I am now. Wait a minute. Get Smart has nothing to do with cops. They’re inept CIA agents aren’t they?” I asked him stupidly. Why was I focusing on that?
“Jim, we’re discussing me and you and you want to talk about Get Smart?” Blair asked.
“Hey, you started it,” I defended myself.
“Okay, let’s get off the Get Smart issue. You’re right, there is no comparison. They actually figured things out. In your case, Conner had to tell you. Did you tell me you have feelings for me?” Blair inquired.
I smiled when I realized I had him. He was mine. All mine. “Yes, I have feelings for you and I intend on showing you those feelings tonight. But you have to move home. What about Sally?”
“What about Sally? She’s been a good friend for months now. We see movies together and have dinner together because she knew I was in love with you and didn’t want to pursue a relationship with her. She understood and we became close anyway. She’s a really good friend, Jim. But there is no Sally to worry about,” Blair explained.
I smiled once more and said, “So will you be home when I get home?”
Blair was silent for a moment and asked, “Do you love me?”
“Yes, I love you. I’ve loved you for a long while, but I didn’t think I had a chance,” I explained to him.
“I’ll have dinner made when you get home tonight. We’ll talk during dinner, if that’s all right with you,” Blair suggested.
“Dinner sounds great. I’ve been eating alone and not liking it very much. We can talk all night if you want us to but I’m hoping for more action and less talking,” I teased. But I was half-way serious about it. I wanted him big time.
“Talk first, sex a lot later. Might not even be tonight, Jim,” Blair said seriously.
I frowned and asked, “Is it because I’m an idiot and didn’t understand what you were talking about that morning?”
“Partly. The rest is because I want to talk and take things slower so we don’t screw up anything. Do you understand that?” Blair asked me.
“I totally understand you, Chief. But there will be sex in there sometime, right? I know I really, really want you,” I admitted.
“Let me ask you one thing, Jim. What did you learn from all of this?” Blair asked.
“I learned that if you say something to me that I don’t understand, I should call you on it. And if you say that something is my fault, then chances are it was my fault and I should just say I’m sorry and ask you why,” I confessed.
Blair laughed and replied, “That’s a good answer, Jim. I’ll see you tonight and if you’re a good boy we’ll sleep together tonight.”
“I’ll be a good boy. I’ll be a very good boy,” I promised.
Conner started laughing and Blair asked, “Is Conner still in the room?”
“Yeah, Chief, this is her phone,” I reminded him.
“I can’t believe you said all of the things you did in front of her. You must really love me,” Blair said sounding like a man totally in awe of someone.
I smiled and answered, “Duh.”
“I’ll see you in three hours, Jim. Drive safe and we’ll talk when you get there. I love you,” Blair confessed.
I lit up like a roman candle and relied, “And I love you. See you soon.”
When Blair hung up, I was seriously disappointed but knew I had to ask for a day or two off, so it would help if I got some work done first.
I handed Conner’s phone back to her and said, “Thanks.” I knew that I was blushing when I looked at her, but life goes on.
“You’re so darned cute, Ellison. I’m off tomorrow. Would you like me to offer to work for you, so you can have the next two days off?” Conner asked.
“That would be great, Conner. Blair would be thrilled. We would have more time to work things out,” I said.
“Is that what they’re calling it now? Working things out?” Conner asked as she left the room laughing like a fool. I couldn’t help it, I was laughing too. It was contagious.
I walked into the bullpen and saw Simon staring at me and walked to his door. I knocked and he said, “Come in.”
I opened the door and said, “Could I have a word, Simon?”
“You can have as many words as you need as long as you tell me that Sandburg has forgiven your ass,” Simon said chewing on his unlit and soggy cigar. It was enough to turn my stomach.
“You knew?” I asked somewhat shocked.
“Everybody knows, Ellison and when he didn’t come in this week we knew you did something. Tell me you have it all worked out,” Simon ordered.
“We have it all worked out. Now I need to ask the favor. Conner has offered to work an extra day this week so that I could have two off. Would that be all right if I have the next two days off?” I asked hopefully.
“Yes, get out of here now. You’re worthless to us when you’re like this. Go home and make up with him. I’m glad you worked things out,” Simon practically shoved me out of his office. I smiled all the way back to my desk.
I cleaned everything off my desk that needed to be cleaned and then I went to tell Conner that she was on for tomorrow. Things were looking up.
When I got home that afternoon, Blair’s car was already in the parking lot and my heart started beating somewhat harder. I could actually hear it. I don’t usually listen to mine, but I couldn’t help it. It was loud. I was happy that I was alive.
When I walked into the loft, the entire place smelled wonderful and I wondered what he had made that could smell that good, that fast. I could have concentrated and figured it out, but I was listening. I could hear him in the bathroom, talking to himself.
//You have to calm down, Sandburg. You don’t want to jump Jim as soon as he walks through the door. That wouldn’t be good after you told him that we have to talk.//
I would have laughed except I was already hard. I would love if he jumped me as soon as he came out of the bathroom.
I walked over and slammed the loft door and said, “Hi Chief, I’m home.”
Blair walked out of the bathroom, looking every bit as hard as I was and he smiled at me sexily. I was a goner. I pulled him into my arms and began to kiss him. After about ten minutes of tonsil hockey, he pushed me away and said, “Jim, what about the talk?”
“Have you ever felt like talk was overrated?” I asked smiling.
“Yes. Want to go upstairs?” Blair asked blushing.
That only made him sexier in my eyes. I kissed him once more and then took his hand and led him up the staircase.
Once we got upstairs, I started to strip and Blair said, “No second thoughts?”
“None. Now strip. I want you to fuck me,” I growled. It sounded a little like a jungle cat when it came out and Blair was all over me. It must have done something for him too.
I might have made mistakes three days ago, but I wasn’t making them now. This was entirely my fault and I was willing to take the blame.
I looked down at the naked Blair and thought, God, he’s big… That was my last thought for the next 45 minutes.
He’s not only big, he’s fucking good.