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First Time Series: Part 14--First Secret

Warnings: Slash

First Secret
By Patt



Jim had noticed that Blair was somewhat quiet off and on since the ordeal with Carolyn kissing him. Jim wondered if Blair truly believed him or not. He knew that something was bothering his Guide and he was going to just have to wait it out and hope that Blair would come to him when he was ready. Jim didn’t believe in pushing Blair at all. Unless of course it had to do with sex. Then Jim would be pushing as hard as he could.

Two weeks later, Blair still hadn’t come to him to talk and Jim was getting tired of waiting. Blair was just too fucking quiet. Jim liked the non-stop talking all the time and missed that. Jim had to find out what was wrong and how he could fix it. He really missed his talkative lover.

Jim walked up to Blair and kissed the back of his neck while he was cooking Chili for dinner. Blair jumped when Jim’s lips touched his neck. This bothered Jim a great deal. Why was Blair so jumpy.

“Hey Chief, would you like to tell me what’s going on with you?” Jim finally just asked.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Blair answered looking somewhat confused.

“Don’t give me that look. There is something wrong and I want you to talk to me about it. Are you still angry about Carolyn? I need you to tell me the truth,” Jim pleaded.

“Oh man, we are so past Carolyn, it isn’t even funny. Stop worrying. You didn’t do anything. I have something on my mind and when I’m ready to talk to you about it, I will. But know that it doesn’t have anything to do with us not being together or anything like that. We’re good, Jim. Please stop fretting.”

Jim kissed Blair and found a very responsive lover kissing him back, so he was going to let it go for now. But he wasn’t going to forget about it.

In the next few days, Blair had moments of being the old Blair. He would talk Jim’s leg off and Jim would smile with happiness, having his old lover back again. But then just as quickly, he would clam up and not say a word about anything. Jim was getting tired of the bullshit. He wanted to yell at Blair and tell him to just let him know what was bothering him, but Jim’s insecurities held him back. What if Blair wasn’t as happy as Jim was? What if sex only seemed to be great every night? What if Blair wasn’t getting all that he wanted out of this relationship? These were all things that Jim needed to know. He was going to have to break down and ask Blair.

~~~~~

Blair was at the grocery store picking up some items that Jim had forgotten to get. The phone rang and Jim answered, “Ellison.”

“Jim, its Naomi. How are you doing?”

“I’m doing great, Naomi. What is new with you?” Jim asked.

“I’m wondering if Blair had a talk with you yet,” Naomi inquired.

“What are you talking about?” Jim questioned.

“I guess he didn’t talk to you. He promised he would talk to you about something, but I guess he chickened out. Ask him about it now,” Naomi ordered.

“He’s not home right now. Why don’t you just tell me?” Jim asked.

Naomi sighed and said, “I want you to ask him about it as soon as he gets home. Just mention that I called and that might help. Listen with your heart, Jim.”

Jim was shocked to say the least. Naomi knew what was wrong with Blair. He told his mom, but not his lover? That made no sense. “I’ll talk to him as soon as he gets back,” Jim promised.

“Keep an open mind, Jim.”

“I will Naomi, don’t you worry.”

She hung up the phone without even saying goodbye. Maybe that was part of detaching with love. Jim was never quite sure what that meant anyhow.

Blair walked in the front door carrying two bags and Jim grabbed one of them and set it on the counter.

Blair set his down and then pulled Jim down for a kiss, confusing Jim even more.

Blair noticed that something was wrong and asked, “So what did I miss?”

“Your mother’s phone call. Would you like to talk to me about something now?” Jim inquired.

“Damn her. She opened her big mouth, didn’t she?” Blair asked starting to pace.

“She just said that you had something to talk to me about and it was important. So talk,” Jim suggested.

“Let me put away the groceries first and then we’ll talk. You have to promise not to be angry with me,” Blair pleaded.

“Okay, I promise,” Jim answered.

Blair and Jim put away all of the groceries and Jim almost dreaded what Blair had to say.

“Sit down, Jim.”

Jim sat down at the kitchen table and waited for the bomb to hit.

“Remember how we said that we were going to keep our relationship a secret for the most part and we’d discuss telling anyone else other then Conner, Rafe and Brown?”

“Yeah?” Jim replied.

“Well, I have a secret. I told my mom about us about a month ago and she’s been bugging me about something ever since,” Blair stated.

“That’s your secret? You told your mom about us? That’s not a bad secret. I don’t mind that you told her at all, Blair.”

“Well that’s all fine and dandy, but that’s not the secret exactly.”

“Okay, start from the beginning,” Jim said.

“I told my mom about us and she was thrilled. She loves you almost as much as I do. So she was very happy for us both. Then we got to talking and she started asking personal questions and I answered them. She gave me some advice and I’ve kept it a secret ever since,” Blair confessed.

“So sit…Tell me what’s bothering you. Is this, what’s been bothering you for the last two weeks?” Jim asked.

“Yes…I should have talked to you, but I just kept it to myself like a dirty little secret. I didn’t have anyone to talk to but my mom and I really don’t like my mom knowing that much about you and me,” Blair informed Jim.

“Will you just spit it out? Just tell me what’s on your mind,” Jim ordered.

“We talked about sex, Jim. I told her something was lacking and I wasn’t completely satisfied,” Blair divulged.

“Okay, you have my attention now. Explain…”

“See, you’re angry. I knew you would get angry,” Blair said sadly.

“I’m not angry, I’m a little let down that you had a talk with your mom about not being satisfied with sex instead of talking to me. You have to admit that’s upsetting,” Jim stated.

Blair said, “I love sex with you, but something is missing.”

Blair watched as Jim’s walls went up and then Jim said, “What’s wrong with our sex life. You act like you love it.”

“I do love it. I just said that. I love you, but something is missing and that’s what the secret is,” Blair remarked.

“So tell me the secret and I’ll see if we can’t fix it,” Jim suggested.

“I would like to try something new but I don’t think you’d be open to it,” Blair declared.

“Just tell me the fucking secret,” Jim barked.

“See, you are mad. I’m going to shoot my mother.”

“I’m not mad, I’m hurt that you talked to your mother instead of me,” Jim admitted again.

“Jim, do you ever think about having sex differently?”

“I love sex with you, any way. So my answer would be yes.”

“What if I asked you to bottom,” Blair spat out finally.

“That’s your fucking secret. You want to fuck me?” Jim asked incredulously.

“Yes, that’s my secret. I want to fuck you in the worst way. I’ve never topped before and I want to do that. It’s been my dream since we started sleeping together,” Blair confessed.

“So you talked to your mom about it first?” Jim asked, totally lambasted.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know who else to talk to about it,” Blair answered honestly.

“Me… You should have been talking to me first. Not your mom,” Jim said angrily.

“So I take it you’re not interested?” Blair asked.

“I’d love to have you fuck me, but I wish you would have just asked me all that time ago.”

“You’re kidding? You’d let me fuck you?” Blair questioned.

Jim finally smiled at Blair and said, “I would let you do anything to me, Blair.”

“Well fuck… Why didn’t I talk to you in the first place?”

Jim laughed and said, “That’s what I was thinking.”

“Well I do want to fuck you and tonight would be good for me,” Blair said hopefully.

“Tonight works for me too. I’ve never been a bottom, so this’ll be new for both of us won’t it?”

“I promise, no more secrets, unless it a good secret that I don’t want you to know for a good reason,” Blair said.

“Works for me. Now come here and sit on my lap and kiss me until I forgive you for talking about this stuff to your mom,” Jim commanded.

Blair practically jumped into Jim’s lap and they started kissing and making out big time.

Jim pulled back from Blair and said, “So this is why you’ve been so quiet?”

“Yeah…”

“And it’s nothing else?” Jim wondered.

“No, everything is fine, Jim. I just wanted to fuck you and was afraid to ask.”

“Next time, talk to me first. Your mother doesn’t get to know about our sex life, Chief.”

“Okay, you’ve got a deal. Could we make love right now? I’m in the mood for trying something new,” Blair suggested.

“I’m game if you are. Get your butt upstairs. I’ll be up in a few minutes. I have to get cleaned up,” Jim said as he pushed Blair off his lap.

“Don’t take too long or I’ll start without you,” Blair teased.

“Don’t worry about me, just get your butt upstairs and get naked,” Jim bossed.

Jim was a little nervous while he was in the bathroom getting ready, but he remembered who was going to be fucking him and calmed down immediately. Blair would be nothing but gentle, Jim was sure of that.

As he walked up the stairs, he felt better and better about the situation. Before long, Blair was doing to Jim what Jim usually did to Blair. It was feeling like nothing he had ever thought about before. Jim turned out to love being a bottom and Blair was a natural at being a top.

When they were done making love, Blair said, “Do you mind if I tell mom you let me fuck you?”

“Yeah, I mind. It’s no ones business but yours and mine,” Jim barked.

“Fine, I’ll just keep that wonderful news to myself.”

“All right, fine. Tell her this once, but that’s it. Now get over here so we can cuddle.

The end

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