January 17th, 2010

TulipsLessaPerirre

More Sentinel Jokes...

Ode to Conner:

Sandy, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green.

When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead.

I hear Jimbo is looking for me now.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey Jim, What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison?" Blair asked.
"I don't know, Chief, what do you call a small clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison?"
"A small medium at large."

~~~~~~~~~~

TEN WAYS You Know You Married a COP!

10. When you start an argument, he calls for back-up (You know this would happen with Jim and Blair.)
9. Refers to bedroom as "The Pokey" (LMAO)
8. Secret desire to see you in a Kevlar vest, wearing nothing else. (Woo Hoo)
7. Calls farting his "silent alarm"
6. The obvious nightstick reference.
5. You never hear him say, " OH, Man.... not donuts again !!"
4. Refers to his winkie as "the ol' breathalyzer!"
3. Stops you in the middle of sex to ask you if you knew how fast you were going.
2. Handcuffs don't turn him on anymore.
1. YES, that IS a gun in his pocket !!!!!



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TOP TEN SIGNS THE POLICE CHIEF DOESN'T LIKE Jim or Blair:


1) He refers to them as "our mascots".
2) Instead of a gun, Blair was issued a water pistol.
3) Your locker is also the broom closet.
4) The job description in Blair's contract includes "crash test dummy" and "pepper-spray test subject."
5) He sends Jim and Blair on drug raids - alone.
6) He always tells Blair that only wussies call for back-up.
7) He makes up "missing persons" and then sends Jim and Blair to look for them.
8) You always get the car with the flat tire, no gas, a dead battery, and a broken air conditioner when Jim's truck is in the shop.
9) He lied to you about an "officer exchange program" and now they're stuck with Conner.
10) He doesn't like to be seen with the boys in public.

~~~~~~~~~~

Wanna hear a dirty joke? Jim falls into the mud.
Wanna hear a clean joke? He takes a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a dirty joke? Bubbles is Blair's nickname.

~~~~~~~~~~

Jim walks into a bar.

He asks the bartender for a shot of whiskey.

The bartender asks "Why?" Jim responds and says "I got my first blow."

The bartender says "In that case I'll give you two shots of whiskey."

Jim says "No, I just want one to get the taste out of my mouth."



~~~~~~~~~~
TulipsLessaPerirre

SEntinel Humor

Rafe's favorite pick-up line:
I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock.

Henri Brown's favorite pick-up line:
You with those curves, and me with no brakes ...

Jim's pick-up line to Blair:
Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours . (Hey Blair has a nice tail.)

Simon's favorite pick-up line:
My boys over there bet that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the room. Want to buy some drinks with their money?

Joel's favorite pick-up line:
Aw, girl, I'm gonna have to put you on my "To Do" List!

~~~~~~~~~~
Jim and Blair Banter: It's up to you, who says what. LOL

Says:I want a commitment.
Means: I'm sick of masturbation.

Says:Haven't I seen you before?
Means: Nice ass.

Says: I need you.
Means: My hand is tired.

Says: You're the only man I've ever cared about.
Means: You are the only man who hasn't rejected me.

Says: I'm a Romantic.
Means: I'm poor.

Says: I really want to get to know you better.
Means: So I can tell my friends about it.

Says: It's just orange juice, try it.
Means: 3 more shots, and he'll have his legs around my head.

Says: He's kinda cute.
Means: I want to have sex with him till my dick turns blue!

Says: Do you love me?
Means: I've done something stupid and you might find out.

Says: Do you 'really' love me?
Means: I've done something stupid and you're going to find out.

~~~~~~~~~~
TulipsLessaPerirre

For some reason, this made me laugh. LOL

Blair was at a fancy restaurant one day with Jim. It's their first date and everything is going well, barring the occasional period of silence. Jim goes to the restroom and while he is away, Blair spots somebody at another table that looks incredibly like Bob Barker. He decides to pop over and approache the guy.

"Excuse me," says Blair, "but you half look like Bob Barker. I don't suppose..."

"Well," interrupts Bob, "actually, I am Bob Barker."

Blair is almost speechless, (almost), but does continue, "Look Bob, I think you're great. I've watched all your shows and blah, blah, blah, etc... could you do me a favor?"

"What ever you want," says Bob.

"Well, you see I'm at another table with my friend Jim and it would really impress him if you would just come up to me and say, 'Hello Blair'."

"Sure, no problem." says Bob.

Blair rushes back to his table and Jim returns. A few moments later, over pops Bob to their table and goes up to Blair.

"Hi Blair, how you doing?" says Bob. Blair looks up and says, "Oh, piss off, Bob, can't you see I'm busy?".