pattrose (pattrose) wrote,

Sentinel Jokes 2

Sentinel Jokes 2

Moods of a Woman

An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction,

She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house.

Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,

She'll win you in range, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk;

At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.

Moods of a Man



Blair goes to the doctor and asks his help to
revive his Husband's sex drive. 'What about trying Viagra?'
asks the doctor.

'Not a chance' says Blair. "He won't even take an
aspirin for a headache."

'No problem,' replies the doctor. 'Drop it into his coffee,
he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to
let me know how you got on.'

A week later Blair returns to the doctor and he
inquires as to how things went. 'Oh it was terrible, just
terrible doctor.'

'What happened?' asks the doctor.

'Well I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee.
The effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the
cutlery off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes
off and then proceeded to make passionate love to me on the
tabletop. It was terrible.'

'What was terrible?' said the doctor, 'was the sex not

"Oh no doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 15 years,
but I'll never be able to show my face in Wonder Burger again.


Conner’s Man Quiz:

1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred
to as:
a) lovemaking
b) screwing
c) the pigskin bus pulling into tuna town

2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only
after you've both shared:
a) your views about what you expect from a sexual
b) your blood-test results
c) five tequila slammers

3. You time your orgasm so that:
a) your partner climaxes first
b) you both climax simultaneously
c) you don't miss Sports Center

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
a) healthy, creative love-play
b) not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever
agree to
c) not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever
find out about

5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had
sex with is
a) the best part of the experience
b) the second best part of the experience
c) $100 extra

6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last
month. You tell her that it is:
a) No concern of yours
b) not a problem, she can join your gym
c) a conservative estimate

7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
a) a myth
b) an oxymoron
c) a moron

8. Foreplay is to sex as:
a) appetizer is to entree
b) primer is to paint
c) a line is to an amusement park ride

9. Which of the following are you most likely to find
yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
a) "I hope we can still be friends."
b) "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the
c) "Welcome to Dumpsville: Population; YOU."

10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you 'play with
a) probably needs a little more time before she can cope
with that sort of intimacy
b) is uptight and a waste of time
c) shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first

Evaluating the results:

If you answered "a" more than 7 times, check your pants to
make sure you really are a man.

If you answered "b" more than 7 times, check into
therapy,you're a little confused.

If you answered "c" more than 7 times, "You DA MAN!"


Jim showed Blair an article he was reading online, Blair didn’t think it was funny, but Jim did.

This letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged gay men.

Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything. Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented. Then, bundle up your partner or boyfriend and send him to the man whose name appears at the top of this list, and add your name to the bottom.

When your turn comes, you will receive 16,255 men. One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have. At the time of this writing, a friend of mine has already received 184 men, four of whom were worth keeping.

Remember - this chain brings luck. Bob of Omaha's dog died, and the next day he received a bodybuilder.

You can be lucky too, so DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN! Seth of Boise broke the chain and got his own boyfriend back.

Jim is now sleeping in the office by himself.

Tags: jokes

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