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Jim and Blair do jokes 13



JIM’S GUIDE TO WHAT BLAIR IS REALLY SAYING:

I JUST NEED SOME SPACE.
.... without you in it.

DO I LOOK FAT?
We haven't had a fight in a while.

NO, PIZZA'S FINE.
.... you cheap slob!

I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
I can't believe you have nothing planned.

COME HERE.
A puppy does this, too.

I LIKE YOU, BUT...
I don't like you.

YOU NEVER LISTEN.
You never listen.

I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE.
I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will.

OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF.
I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going dutch.

OH YES!!! RIGHT THERE!!
Well, near there; I just want to get this over with.

@@@@@


BLAIR’S GUIDE TO WHAT JIM IS REALLY SAYING:

I'M HUNGRY.
I'm hungry.

I'M SLEEPY.
I'm sleepy.

I'M TIRED.
I'm tired.

I'VE GOTTA GO.
Get out of the way and stay away until it clears.

WHAT'S WRONG?
I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of this.

WHAT'S WRONG?
What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR.
I liked it better before.

YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR.
$50 and it doesn't look that much different!

LET'S TALK, HONEY.
I'm trying to impress you by showing you that I am a deep person, and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.

WILL YOU MARRY ME?
I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.

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Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than Jim"

A Christmas tree doesn't care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.

A Christmas tree doesn't care if you have an artificial one in the closet.

When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb and have it hauled away.

A Christmas tree doesn't get jealous around other Christmas trees.

A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of your pickup truck.

@@@@@

Make fun of Jim Jokes.

What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Jim know about Blair!

Why doesn't Jim eat more M & M's?
They are too hard to peel!

What do you call Jim with an I.Q. of 50?
Gifted!

What is the difference between Jim and government bonds?
Bonds mature!

Why are blond jokes so short?
So Jim can remember them!

What do Jim and beer bottles have in common?
They are both empty from the neck up!

How can you tell if Jim is happy?
Who cares!

How are Jim and parking spots alike?
The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left are handicapped.

What's the difference between Jim and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home!

What does Jim consider a seven course meal?
A hot dog and a six pack of beer!

How does Jim exercise at the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

What's the best way to force Jim to do sit-ups?
Put the remote between his toes.

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Hey Jim!


Hey Jim: If a person owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way down to the center of the earth?

Hey Jim: Why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say
"hi, my name's Bob. I'm an alcoholic"?

Hey Jim: If you mated a Bulldog with a Shitsu would you get a Bullshit?

Hey Jim: Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

Hey Jim: Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?

Hey Jim: Why does mineral water that has trickled through mountains for centuries
have a use by date?

Hey Jim: Why do toasters always have a setting on them which burns your toast to a
horrible crisp no one would eat?

Hey Jim: Who was the first person to look at a cow and say "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

Hey Jim: What do people in China call their good plates?

Hey Jim: If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Hey Jim: Can blind people see their dreams and do they dream?

Hey Jim: If Wile E coyote has enough money to by all that Acme crap why doesn't he buy his dinner?

Hey Jim: If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Hey Jim: If a Sentinel is walking in a forest and no Guide is there to hear him is he still wrong?

@@@@@

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