Blair says to Rafe "Look! A dead bird!" and Rafe looks up and says "Where?"
Rafe and Blair were in an elevator. On their way down, they stop to pick up another person also on their way down. When the person got on, the guys noticed that he was pretty cute. Unfortunately he had dandruff. Finally, on the way off of the elevator the Rafe and Blair let the guy go ahead of them. Blair turns to Rafe and says "Oh my god! We need to give him Head and Shoulders." Rafe then replies "That's a pretty good idea, but how are we going to give him shoulders?"
Jim and Blair were driving through Louisiana when they came to a sign that told them they were almost to Natchitoches. They argued all the way there about how to pronounce the name of the town. Finally they stopped for lunch. After getting their food, Jim said to the cashier, "Can you settle an argument for us? Very slowly, tell us where we are."
The cashier leaned over the counter and said:
What's the difference between a rooster and a Conner?
A rooster says cock-le-dood-le-doo...
Conner says any-cock-le-doo...
A police officer pulls over a car with Rafe driving in it....
Cop : "Sir, this is a 65 MPH highway, why are you going so slowly?"
Rafe : "Officer, I saw a lot of signs saying 22, not 65."
Cop : "Oh sir, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!"
Rafe : "Oh! Stupid me! Thanks for letting me know, Ill be more careful from now on."
At this point the cop looks into the back seat of the car, where the passengers Blair and Brown, are shaking and white as ghosts. (Tough to do for Brown.)
Cop : "Excuse me Sir, what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something awful."
Rafe : "Oh... We just got off of highway 119".
Rafe, Brown and Simon’s Poem.
I'M GLAD I'M A MAN
I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe.
I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese.
I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts.
I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west.
I don't get wasted after only 2 beers,
and when I do drink I don't end up in tears.
I won't spend hours deciding what to wear.
I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair.
And I don't go around checking my reflection
in everything shiny from every direction.
I don't whine in public and make us leave early, and
when you ask why get all bitter and surly.
I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing.
I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring.
I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back.
I don't carry our differences into the sack.
I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you
or think every guy out there's trying to steal you.
I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too.
I know what the time is and I know what to do.
And I honestly think its a privilege for me
to have these two balls and stand when I pee.
I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball.
It's more fun than dealing with women after all.
I won't cry if you say it's not going to work.
I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk.
Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure.
I won't assume it's permanent by any measure.
Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a man, you see.
I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery.
I don't get all bitchy every 28 days.
I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise.
I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true.
I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!
Rafe: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Brown: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Rafe: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"
Brown: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."
Rafe: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Rafe: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Brown: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."
Rafe: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"
Brown: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized !"
Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. When we got home I felt as if had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV He seemed distant
and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts where somewhere else. I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
Today the Jag’s lost. At least I got laid.
Jim said... Want a quickie?
Blair said... As opposed to what?
Jim said... What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
Blair said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money.
Rafe said... Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains?
Brown said... Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind.
Jim said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
Blair said... Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on. (Just kidding)
Simon said... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
Joan said... I would, but you're never there.
Rafe said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly.
She said... Well, you succeeded.
Blair said... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
JIm said... That's a good idea... You stand by the ironing board, while I sit on the sofa and fart.