Jim and Blair do jokes 6
Brown is overweight, so his doctor puts him on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."
When Brown returns, he's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
Brown nods. "I'll tell you, though; I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" said the doctor.
"No, from skipping," replied Brown.
A blonde reports for her university final exam which consists of mainly true and false questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails. Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously.
During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The teacher, Blair Sandburg, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening.
"I finished the exam in a half hour," she replies. "Now I'm rechecking my answers."
Q: How do you make Rafe laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
If Rhonda, Suzanne, Debra and Megan go out for lunch, they will call each other Rhonda, Suzanne, Debra and Megan. But if Joel, Jim, Blair and Simon go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless. (Now which one is useless?)
Ode to Simon
I chanced to pass a window
While walking through a mall
With nothing much upon my mind,
Quite blank as I recall.
I noticed in that window
A cranky-faced old man,
And why he looked so cranky
I didn't understand.
Just why he looked at ME that way
Was more than I could see
Until I came to realize
That cranky man was ME!
Joel, Simon and Jim were discussing the travails of getting older. Joel said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."
Jim chimed in with, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."
Simon responded, "Well, guys, I'm glad I don't have that problem. Knock on wood," as he rapped his knuckles on the table, he said, "That must be the door, I'll get it!"
Jim and Blair when they get old:
An old Jim and Blair were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.
After checking the couple out, the doctor tells them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.
Later that night while watching TV, Jim got up from his chair and Blair asked, "Where are you going?"
He replied, "To the kitchen."
Blair asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
Jim replied, "Sure."
Blair then asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"
Jim said, "No, I can remember that."
Blair then said, "Well, I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that."
Jim said, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
Blair replied, "Well, I also would like whip cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."
With irritation in his voice, Jim said, "I don't need to write that down, I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands Blair a plate of bacon and eggs.
Blair stares at the plate for a moment and says, "You forgot my toast."
Signs Blair Needs a Vacation
9. Every Tuesday he insists it's his turn to be the siren.
8. He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he'd look good in a collar.
7. He wants you to call him "Judge Dredd", and he insists that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot.
6. He talks to himself. Half of him is the "good cop", and the other half is the "bad cop".
5. He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat.
4. He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers.
3. The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his relationship troubles.
2. He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel.
1. He keeps handcuffing himself by accident!!