One day, Jim Ellison came home and was greeted by his naked and very excited partner.
"Tie me up," he purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So Jim tied Blair up and went fishing.
Blair came home, screeching! his car into the driveway, and ran into the house. He slammed the door and shouted at the top of his lungs, "Big guy, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"
Jim said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff, fishing stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," he said. "Just get the hell out."
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is Jim.
Blair was making a breakfast of fried eggs for Jim. Suddenly, Jim burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!
Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt.
USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!"
Blair stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
Jim calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."